To get to the house we had to pass a wedding celebration with loud music and crazy lights.
We arrive and nothing is set up.
Minutes later some ladies come in carrying piles of fabric.
Fabric that they want to dress us up in.
They put me in a corset that probably would be a few sizes to small.
They give me a skirt to pull over my pants.
And wrap a large colorful fabric around me head and tuck it in my waist.
I’ve wanted to be immersed in this kind of culture, I’ve been praying to be immersed in this kind of culture.
The women are taking off their lavish jewelry and placing it on us.
They are dressing us up in their fine garments and bestowing jewels around our necks.
It doesn’t feel as inviting as I had imagined it, but this was their welcome.
We’re invited to the center of the circle
where the ladies are dancing. We’d throw our hands up, and kick our feet out and the drums would continue to beat. As soon as we try to back out of the circle, we’d be taken by the hand or grabbed by our new outfits and pulled back into the circle.
They wanted us to be the center of it all, and we were dancing and praying that they could see Jesus at the center of all of us.
This was their invitation.
Inviting us to be one with them.
Sometimes I feel like when God’s inviting us to do something with and for Him it can be pretty uncomfortable too!
At first I was confused. I felt a heaviness- as if I didn’t belong, and as if I couldn’t possibly relate to these people. I didn’t understand this culture. Nothing sounded like worship, nothing looked like worship.
As I stood in and out of the circle I continued to search for whatever it was that I was missing. I wanted peace. I looked to the sky and imagined the star that proclaimed the promise, Jesus, the Messiah, has come. And sure enough I found one. There was physical darkness all around us, but thankfully that darkness allowed me to see a great light. As we continued to dance I couldn’t help but keep my focus on the star. And I hear God say, ‘Trust Me’.
My spirit shifts. From a spirit of fear, to a spirit of hope. You see, I am learning that saying yes and choosing IN to situations God has called me to will sometimes be really uncomfortable. It is the moment I put my faith in believing that everything is going to be okay I realize I was put in the situation for a reason.
That reason being Jesus.
The people of this tribe have a language so unique to them, that it hasn’t been written. It is only spoken. And we were there sharing the gospel- something they otherwise would have no access to. They needed us. Jesus had chosen us. And at this point, we desperately needed Jesus.
I think about all the times I’ve been in a situation, desperate to understand my purpose, and it was only in the situations that I leaned on the Lord that I actually found that purpose.
We had the honor of breaking bread with these people later that night; and, even over rice and Thums up (India’s version of Coca Cola) I found connection. It wasn’t easy to see at first, but because we kept God at the center of this night, we were connected. The most connected two groups of people from completely different walks of life could be.
This parallels the heart of God. How at His very core- He is relational. He invites and invests and desires deeper connection with us, knowing the fruit that will come from it. [John 15:5] That’s what we were fighting for this night with this tribe. Choosing to accept their invitation, fighting to invest in their culture, and desiring a connection with them that would result in bringing more kingdom.
As we were about to leave, I feel a nudge to spend more time with one of the boys. Three children in this place were suffering from a genetic disorder or disease similar to muscular dystrophy and this boy was one of them. I asked him to hold my hand and try to stand up. Believing with all my heart this kid would walk again, believing with all my heart God would perform a miracle in him- I prayed.
His father comes and lifts him up.
His legs still unable to move, contracted in the same formation as they probably have been for years.
I lay my hands on his legs.
As I pray again, his family gathers around me. I hear whispers and feel tears of desperation praying with me. I see God’s angel armies rising up in praise, hoping for a miracle.
The praying stops.
We open our eyes.
And nothing has happened.
Nothing.
We have warred in prayer for these boys tonight and they’re still the same.
I hear the Lord ask, “How do you know they are the same? How do you know that nothing has changed?”
“For we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18
I can’t tell you how many times I have warred in prayer for the healing of others on this journey. And of the many times I have prayed, I can count on one hand the number of actual supernatural healings I’ve experienced.
I start to wonder what it takes.
I question my capability.
Am I asking for the right things?
Are my words not good enough?
And after all the questions of doubt, God asks “But even if I don’t, will you love me the same? Even if you don’t understand, will you trust Me, that I do?”
I believe this is one of the hardest things of faith. Believing with my whole heart, even when my head doesn’t understand. Believing God is still good, even when bad things are happening.
But at the end of the day, I choose to surrender my doubt. I surrender my fear and the misunderstanding. I surrender what I want knowing Jesus knows what I need. I give it all up, and search for the promised light in the middle of all the darkness. I remember the promise of the star- that Jesus has come. He came and will continue to come for me, and those around me. He continues to come for each of us- in every moment, always. He desires nothing more than to have a relationship with me. He wants me to hold onto Him, nothing else except Him.
“There’s nothing I hold onto,
there’s nothing I hold onto..
my life is in the hands
of the Maker of heaven”
-Will Reagan, Nothing I Hold Onto
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If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for following a heart feeling a million feels, and a heart at peace only because of knowing the Prince of Peace. This blog was probably the most difficult to share. This journey is teaching me how to accept the good and bad things of this world- in order to grow in the promises of Grace and Truth. Truth is we are promised there will come a day where there will be no more tears and until that day there will be times of mourning, but hear too that joy will come in the mourning. There will be suffering, but our suffering is nothing compared to that of Jesus Christ. The One who died for us. The One who gives us new life. So as I walk through this season of a lot of questions, a lot of brokenness, I will hold onto one thing- hope. A hope built on Jesus’ blood and righteousness. A hope that is worth it!
XOXO
Tay
“Create in me a pure heart, Oh God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
Psalm 51:10,12
