A few days ago on the bus home, a bit of the unexpected happened; a little voice, and a lot of thought. It went something like this:
I settled into my seat after a long day, grateful to be halfway home. My team and I were returning from ministry. One man in particular boarded; started advertising lollipops and wafers. It seems there are always vendors on the public buses here in Ecuador, and actually there’s been an exciting array – we’ve seen everything from ice cream sold, to earrings, to tooth hygiene solutions.
Anyways, back to this man in particular, I was contemplating buying something from him. It was a Tuesday, I had exactly one dollar coin and eight pennies in cash, and I needed that for bus fare for the rest of the week. Not exactly ‘spending money’ for anything extra, let alone candy. Especially when I wasn’t even hungry. Especially when I was already running a little over-plan as far as my budget for the month.
But for some reason, upon seeing him, a thought danced across my mind. Or rather, a message imprinted, along the lines of, ‘buy a lollipop and I’ll provide’.
Okay???
Uh, God? That You? I wondered. It was really subtle and quiet. I don’t have the money for this right now, I told myself. Again, I’m not even hungry, maybe it was just a stray thought. I was willing to dismiss it, until I remembered something said at Awakening, back in March:
“How do you expect God to trust you with big things if He can’t trust you with the small?”
A phrase that encompasses the concept of, ‘if you listen to His word in the small stuff, He’ll trust you with more.’ Now, God uses all sorts of people, this is true. But if we want God to use us, we have to trust. And when He asks, and we do get an answer – we ought to follow when he calls.
Still, I was definitely thinking, God are you sure, could you like, give me a sign or something?
Nope, was the reply. Aren’t those initial words enough?
Shoot. Okay then.
And so the man came down the aisle, offering lollipops, and when he passed me I took one. Usually, vendors say their piece about the product and then collect payment on the way back to the front of the bus. Instead, this man returned to his spot and launched into a story first. From what I could gather – with my limited comprehension of Spanish – he was a Venezuelan refugee. He explained how his wife and kids were still back in country, and although he had a profession, he hadn’t found any work here. He even said that we could have the candy for free, he just wanted to explain himself and maybe get a tip as to job openings.
Well, I didn’t have much. I even thought, for a fleeting moment, about asking Hannah Grace, who was sitting next to me, for change. Maybe just give him 50 cents, and hold onto something.
But…no.
No, at that moment, words came to mind from a friend back in Malawi: “You don’t give just when you have extra, when you have bountiful means. You give when it hurts, too. You give even when it might not make sense to.”
See, the thing is, faith is trust. God gives messages to those servants He trusts to follow through. So if you just keep tuning stuff out or trying to meet only halfway, how willing a servant are you?
I made up my mind. As a few passengers gave him money too, I passed him the dollar coin. I also tossed away thoughts of having to ask teammates to spot me for bus fare. This meant more than my discomfort.
Sitting on that bus, I also decided to surrender the need to know what this was about. I have no idea what this extra dollar means to that man. How it translates. I likely never will. And anyways, why him, of all the bus vendors?
Well… I let those questions blow out the window.
That was that, and I had listened.
Interestingly enough, this story didn’t end there. One more thought would dance across my mind, a few minutes later. I turned to the squad leader, Hillary, sitting in front of me, and asked her casually the question that had appeared out of the blue:
“When do we get reimbursed?”
Currently, there’s a system of reimbursement going on for weekend meals and ministry rides, to counter the instances when we have to pay with personal money for things AIM normally covers. It ends up being a significant amount, and this reimbursement usually happens once a month, but it had slipped my mind for a while.
“Tonight, I think,” was Hillary’s answer.
Oh.
And there it was, more money, sufficient for my needs.
There it was, God’s own, ‘I’ll provide.’
Doesn’t He always.
