Pride comes before the fall…. literally.
I immediately knew I was walking in pride when the volcano guide suggested we have a local carry our board because the hike was hard but my internal response was, “I am a strong independent woman of God who can do hard things. WATCH ME!”
And that’s where it all started.
I did successfully hike all the way to the top while carrying my board.
Once at the top I was determined to beat the record of fastest female down the volcano.
Filing last in line I eventually situated myself perfectly centered on my board, as instructed.
As I pushed off I immediately knew I wasn’t as perfectly centered as I thought and almost instantly fell off.
I gave the instructor a thumbs up I hopped back on.
Starting again things felt much better.
I moved from position 1 to 2 almost immediately, increasing my speed.
Suddenly I was going much faster than anticipated.
Determined to beat the record I remained in position.
Then my board started turning sideways.
Tapping my left foot to get back on track didn’t seem to be working.
Suddenly I was completely sideways, still sliding at a rapid pace.
Next thing I knew the inside of my right foot was caught on the passing ground, ripping my leg behind me, instantly sending pain to the inside of my knee and shifting me upside-down.
Full of adrenaline and slowly sliding head first down the mountain curled into a ball I knew I had to get back up and finish.
In some pretty excruciating pain I slowly pushed myself to the bottom.
As I stood up, tears filled my eyes from the revelation that something was definitely not okay with my knee.
As we boarded the truck to leave, I did my very best to mask the pain I was in…
And the Lord began to speak.
He said, “you were trying to prove who you know you are… but if you really knew who you were, you wouldn’t have to prove it to anyone…including yourself.”
He revealed that I thought everyone perceived me to be not adventurous, not spontaneous, not fun and not someone who seeks adrenaline.
And knowing that I do possess those characteristics, I was out to prove myself.
You see, when I am around someone who has similar characteristics to me, I naturally step back.
I hate being the center of attention so I GLADLY let them take the lead.
As well as I assume the lie of “well they are more/better at ____________ than me so I might as well not try. I don’t want to seem like I am competing or coping.”
However, if I step back every time I perceive someone is more/better than me at something, I will ALWAYS step back and NO ONE will know the real, true, authentic me.
And on the top of that volcano, although self-inflicted, I was done not being known.
I was going to prove to myself and others EXACTLY who I was.
A strong, independent, adventurous, adrenaline seeking, fearless woman of God who does fun things.
However, the pride comes before the fall.
I ended up upside-down, pride shattered as well as my knee, now perceiving myself to be a weak woman who can’t do adventurous things without getting hurt.
Walking on my knee and through pride has been one of the most painful experiences I’ve gone through.
But GOD IS SO GOOD!
God has not instantly and miraculously healed my knee because He reminded me that He cares more about my spiritual and emotional state than my physical state.
Pride is so sneaky and I would never have realized the extent of it I was walking in if I didn’t get hurt, have to slow down and seek the Lord.
I don’t think we will ever FULLY understand and comprehend who the Lord has made us to be until the day of Jesus Christ, but I definitely have a better understanding.
The Lord has given me the knowledge of who I am in Him and now I actually believe it.
Not because I proved it to myself.
Not because I proved it to others and they now perceive me a certain way.
I proved nothing to no one.
However, the Lord proved to me the I am who He says I am regardless of anything.
He’s helping me believe His truth about myself in a way that I desire to walk every day in full authenticity, not caring about how others perceive me and not needing to prove anything to anyone.
I refuse to pull back and not allow others to know me fully.
AND
I refuse to try to prove myself to anyone.
I am who He says I am.
Praise God for the fall that revealed my pride!
Here is a glimpse of our time volcano boarding. Although it ended in pain, it was worth it.
It was soooo much fun!
