“I want to go home“
Is the thought that entrapped my mind as I laid awake at 2am on my sleeping pad, dripping in sweat, getting eaten alive by mosquitos and blowing my nose every 30 seconds from what felt like a sinus infection.
Somewhere here in month 10 the fluff and excitement and newness wore off the way the softness of my skin did.
Now sweaty, itchy, bumpy, unpredictable, splotchy, and sometimes swollen and inflamed.
The thrill of adventure is choked out by the uncontrollable trips to the bathroom.
The excitement of preaching to a church is interrupted by the anxiety that comes with the “oh by the way, we also want you to….”
The love of change and spontaneity is weighed down by the pack you THOUGHT would get lighter by month 10.
The fun of worship in another language is getting old like your favorite shirt that now has a hotdog stain and holes.
But isn’t that how it always is?
We start something new and it’s SO EXCITING!
We KNOW this is where God called us and we are stepping out in faith and it’s going to be awesome!
And it is!
Then the day always comes where the newness and excitement wears off and we start questioning, “is this really where God called me? It’s not fun anymore.”
Then we start looking forward to the next best thing.
“Well once I get home it’ll be so good!”
“Once I get that new job it’ll be more fun.”
“This relationship/marriage just isn’t what I thought it was going to be, if I could just find someone who….”
“Now that I’m home, I can’t wait to be back out on the field.”
Always wanting more.
Always desiring something else.
Always looking for the greener grass on the other side.
Why?
Because we lose sight of the truth.
We let life becoming “normal” make us forget that this use to be an exciting adventure.
We forget why we did this in the first place!
How can I wake up in Malaysia and have anything but excitement to get up and go out, if I am remembering that for whatever reason God deemed me as worthy to take His name to the nations?
How can I complain about lack of A/C and a comfy bed if I know God called me to abandonment because I know Jesus is worth laying down the comforts of life?
How can I complain about my brittle hair and course skin when I know God has given me a platform solely based on my nationality and skin color?
How can I complain about worn out clothes or how heavy my pack is when I have more on my back than these people have in their homes?
How can I complain about my stomach hurting from the food when God is using me to sit down and encourage the ONLY Christian volunteer within a Muslim community?
The truth is, everything in life eventually loses it’s luster and shine.
However, I can make everyday just as exciting as the day I started!
I just have to take it back to the beginning!
Why did I do this to begin with?
So here I am.
I’m smelly and breaking out.
I miss my family and I don’t get good sleep.
But God called me to abandon the luxuries of American living and my family for Him and it’s still worth it!
It’s worth it because:
Jesus is still worth it.
The gospel is still worth telling.
I can see God changing, encouraging, and saving lives in the work He’s doing through me.
I know God called me here with a reason and purpose.
I know He’s using me in mighty ways and I refuse to hinder that by allowing Satan to get me stuck in looking for the next best thing.
The kingdom is here and now.
It is not stuck in past excitement.
It is not ahead of us in the bigger and better.
I am here in month 10 and I WILL FINISH STRONG!
I will stay present!
I will find the excitement, joy and thrill of everyday life!
I will remember why God called me here and live that out everyday!
Not just here on the race, but everyday of every season of my life.
The good seasons.
The hard seasons.
The seasons I don’t want to be in.
And the seasons I find incredibly enjoyable.
When our foundation is in Christ, everyday can be the best day ever!
God is good all the time; all the time God is good.
And that’s exciting in and of itself!
Everyday with God is the greatest adventure!
