Last year, I was blessed with the opportunity to meet and fall in love with an incredible, loving and supportive child of God. Andrew and I started dating after I got accepted to the World Race, so we spent the first nine months of our relationship knowing that I would be gone for the next eleven months. And for some reason that I still don’t understand, Andrew willingly signed up for it and supported me every step of the way, from fundraising dinners, to garage sales, gear shopping, rejoicing over each donation, helping me pack when I was too stressed and dropping me off at the airport. And even still, after three months on the field, he is just as supportive and loving, if not even more so.
During my first month on the field, the Lord revealed something that I knew but didn’t want to admit or address, that I held Andrew in places of my heart where only God belongs. The person I love so much has become and idol in my heart and not only was it hurting my relationship with the Lord, it was also hurting my relationship with Andrew because I was putting God-sized expectations on him. I knew God was calling me to surrender and give Him the pedestal I had placed Andrew on, but I was so scared and terrified to give up something that I was trying so hard to hold on to.
Towards the end of month one, I knew that the Lord was calling me to do something about it. Maybe I really didn’t know, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it, but it took conversations with my team and leadership, two prophetic words and God essentially yelling through a spiritual megaphone to get my attention enough so I would actually admit what I needed to do.
God wanted Andrew and I to purposefully fast from communicating for month two. We needed to surrender the spaces we had filled in each other’s hearts and minds so the Lord could work in us and take His place on His throne.
I called Andrew that night and when he picked up, he was upset and scared about the coming month because something was telling him that we wouldn’t be able to talk for the whole time. I took a deep breath, told him how much I loved him, and started telling him about what God revealed to me and that He called me to prayerfully fast from talking with Andrew for the month. At first, I could tell that Andrew was upset and didn’t really understand but he said he would support me if this was something the Lord had called me into. We continued talking about the ways the Lord revealed it to me and by the end of our conversation, Andrew said that the Lord had been calling him into it as well, he just didn’t recognize it, and that we were going to do this together.
From February 19th to March 15th, I did not talk to my beloved at all. Instead when he came to mind, which was a lot, all I could do was pray for him. I had no way to show love towards Andrew except by praying to the One who loves Andrew infinitely more than I ever could.
It was a hard month, but it was so good.
I had to choose every day to let the Lord be King over our relationship, my plans for our future, over the things we built into our relationship that were not glorifying to the Lord, and over the things that held Andrew and I in bondage to sin, not so we could be fully dedicated to each other, but so we could each be fully dedicated to the Lord.
As counter intuitive as it sounds, the Race and the communication fast are the best things we ever could have done for our relationship. When I finally got to talk to Andrew at the end of the fast, it was so incredibly sweet and special. Without the communication fast and even if I never left for the Race, I’m sure Andrew and I would have been fine. But I don’t want to walk down the aisle on my wedding day thinking that it’s only fine, I don’t want to look back over my life as a whole and think that it was just good enough. Settling for good enough is not good enough when I know that the Lord has so much more.
From this day forward, I want to fully opt in to the Lord’s plans for me, my relationship and my life, even if it is hard and even if it sucks sometimes. I know that our God is a God that gives good gifts and has a plan that is far better than what I could ever dream up.
Anything that I could ever love and sacrifice could ever compare to how much God loves me and how costly His sacrifice was.
As I was praying about this blog, God laid it on my heart to also ask Andrew to write about the fast and what it meant for him:
As Tayler and I were going into month two of the Race, my biggest fear was not being able to talk to her. I had asked several people to be praying about the communication situation and in my heart I was just wishing that she would have Wi-Fi so we could talk. As you have heard from Tayler, God already had a plan for us and it was not the plan I wanted to hear. The night before Tayler left for the Dominican Republic she told me what God had set on her heart for us to do, and my initial reaction was fear. We had a long conversation about it and how if it is what God has called us to do, then we will go through with it.
During our fast God continued to teach and renew my relationship with Him and give me comfort during the hard times. Before this I had put Tayler in spots in my life that are meant for God. I was going to her looking for grace and love when the ultimate source of grace and love is God. This was not healthy for me and not fair for her. We are told in the Bible to love others the way God loved us because we, as humans, are meant to be loved by God. The fast gave me an opportunity to put God back in the right spots in my life and receive His unending overflowing grace and love that He promises us! This might sound crazy, but not talking to Tayler for a month has made me love her so much more. What happened during this past month was so amazing because we listened to God’s plan and not our own plan!
Surrender is a daily choice for me, and I’m expecting to have to continually choose God to be the King of my heart and life. While last month was hard, I am so glad for what the Lord did in and through me.
I read a really incredible book called Single. Dating. Engaged. Married., and I want to end this blog with a quote from it.
