I love food. I love the flavors, the colors, the sensational experience each bite brings. It’s comfort. If there’s one thing you need to know about me, this is IT.
Well, the other day, we had a random fridge replacement at work because it stopped working, and I stepped in to take my bagged lunch from the fridge and it was in the trash.
I didn’t think twice before this came out of my mouth, “Seriously! I don’t even get 20 minutes from the time I’m told until they throw it away! Wow.” I took my lunch from atop the trash and left. The mango avocado salsa I brought in that Kroger bag was precious to me. I didn’t look around to see who heard me and I didn’t care in that moment. I felt justified for my comment. And I left the break room.
Well, not even a minute passed before I stopped thinking about it. It was a quick moment that I of course quickly got over. Okay, maybe like, two minutes.
Anyway, I went about my day.. Loving patients for Christ.
Toward the afternoon, as I walked passed the nurses station, I asked how our secretary was doing. And she immediately offered up a word of apology. Asking me to forgive her and that she would not knowingly throw my food away on purpose.
I, of course, also apologized for making her feel like she needed to apologize. After all, it was slushy green avocado mess in a ziplock bag inside an unlabeled Kroger bag without a name or a date on it. I can totally see how that deliciousness could be perceived as trash.
Wow. One moment. One moment of self justification, can really affect the people around us.
A huge part of my past is my struggle with anger and immature expressions of emotions. I’m too afraid to use my words, so I become angry, or sad, and that’s supposed to be enough to change another’s treatment of me.
It’s the way I’ve long learned how to defend myself. Well, before Christ. Now, I have become a learning disciple using my words to bring reconciliation and truth to moments of ambiguity.
I have to consciously choose to believe that others motives are pure and good. That they are not purposely trying to throw my food in the trash to harm me.
In that moment, in the break room, my flesh broke through. And, I was not operating as Jesus would.
I think Jesus would have responded rather than reacted. Maybe he would have laughed. And then poured over grace. And then taught about the father’s heart. And then shared lunch with someone else.
A moment of reaction, rather than intentional action or response, caused hurt toward a coworker.
We had a good moment of talking about what happened and extending forgiveness toward each other. It was a powerful moment. But, one I’m realizing more and more that the closer I walk with the Father and learn, ‘I’m sorry’ will become the most powerful two words I can ever use.
And that it’s safe to life within his love. I don’t have to fight to defend my lunch. I don’t have to be responsible for peoples feelings.
God, gives me the words. I am thankful that every day brings new lessons and teachings with Jesus. Even in America, in the South, with people that have never heard of AIM.
It’s the tension between, “I am a new creation in Christ”, and, “I am being transformed into his image”. And I can wrestle and fail and receive forgiveness and grace from my Father. Because his love doesn’t choose to love me when I’m perfect, but He’s chosen me as one who is being transformed but made perfect. And I don’t have to fear judgement, because his perfect love has removed all fear of judgement. So, I am secure to be and grow more into him.
So, take my lunch, and give me Jesus.
