It’s a tough thing for my mind to grasp that the person I used to be prior to three years ago is a completely different woman than the one I am today.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
During launch, before we left home, I was battling. I started realising things about myself. I was excited to leave the United States, but my heart was heavy. I was very broken. The wounds from my past were still bleeding in many areas of my heart and I was merely holding it together with duct tape as I started this thing. I knew I was a mess and I knew I needed to get away from all I’ve ever known to walk through this this journey of healing with Jesus.
My entire race the Lord has taught me so many wonderful things. Through many tears sewn through cries to the Lord and humility and vulnerability with my community, I can truly stand before you today and say that I am different.
I still struggle so much. I still manage to hurt people. But, I am learning more and more that I am not my mistakes and that there is hope in every situation.
Today, my team did a “words of affirmation” circle. I couldn’t help but weep as they referred to me as a beautiful example of Jesus. That I always stop for the one. That I am invested. That I am warm. That I am kind. That I am a great encourager.
These are not words that I would have used to describe myself just a year ago. But there is a pattern, and I continue to hear these same things spoken over me over and over.
I have such a peace in my heart and a joy in my spirit that I just cannot explain!
One of the most powerful examples of change for me is my laugh. So, 8 months ago and maybe even my whole life, as soon as I would start laughing, I’d have this immediate reaction to stop laughing because I would tell myself that I’m laughing too much. But I have found freedom in my laughter!!! Our squad parents Derick and Talita spoke over me specifically about my laughter. They said that when I laugh, I shift the spiritual atmosphere. Well, heck, I’m going to laugh then and I am going to laugh a lot! And so I have been! I don’t hear those voices as loud as I used to! Praise God!
I have also grown significantly more confident in what I have to say as the months have gone by, but the most these past two months. It’s still really difficult for me to sit before a group of people and express my opinions. I am definitely far more confident to share what I have to say because I believe that the Holy Spirit lives in me and what I have to say is important! I’m still learning, but I have grown so much!
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”.
There are old patterns in my life that I am continually learning about as the days pass. But I continually bring them to Jesus and he continues to heal my heart and show me how to walk in his path of newness and righteousness.
God adopts us as orphans and brings us into his kingdom and gives us a seat of honor at his table. When we’re adopted, we’re still pretty messed up. We are set free, redeemed, and crowned with righteousness, but we still have patterns of thinking that we have learned from the many years of living in the world. Those change the more we sit in his presence!
The Lord wants to transform old patterns of thinking in my mind and I am allowing him to mold me. I have never understood this concept as much as I do now.
Here’s something cool: I officially announced to my team that I will be their new team leader for the rest of the year! The Lord is lifting me up to “new levels of honor”. I am so excited for this next season of my walk.
If you would keep me and my beautiful team in your prayers as we continue onto the final stretch of our journey together it would be wonderful! I love you all and would love to go into greater depth through conversation about what God has taught me.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:19
