Growing up, although I never realized it, I have often found my identity in earthly things. Particularly, in my middle school and high school years, I turned to school to find who I was. It was something I was good at. It was something I put a lot of energy and time into succeeding at. It was the place I found friends and through them words of affirmation.
Little did I know, the stress it caused me took away from my relationship with the Lord. The time I spent doing homework and being part of clubs took time away from building my relationship with the Lord. Trying to impress, be liked by, and gain approval from those around me took away my boldness and confidence in sharing my hope found in the Lord with others. Sure, I had an ever building relationship with the Lord, but often it would fall stagnant when things with school got busy. My identity wasn’t wrapped up in the Lord, but rather in other, more earthly things.
As I have completed month one of my race, I finally admitted this was the case and a lot clicked in my mind. As I began to process things out loud, I have realized why I think the Lord had called me to this crazy adventure. He wants to reshape who I am in him. He wants to show me what a year of my life without being wrapped up in earthly possessions and what others think of me, but rather wrapped up in him looks like. He wants to separate me from school, where I have found my comfort and identity, so I push into and grow in him. This is only the beginning and as I push into this and discover what he has for me to learn and grow in, I know he only has bigger and better things in store for my life.
I once thought that redefining my identity in him meant getting rid of everything I am and know back home, but I’m already realizing this doesn’t have to happen. I definitely think it means change, however, I don’t think I have to rid myself of everything to change. Of course the spirit will reveal things that need to go, but I think that comes with placing the Lord in the center of everything rather than on the outskirts. He has plans for me I don’t even know yet.
As I have truly began placing the Lord at the center of my life over the few weeks or so, I am already seeing myself love who I am deeper and walk in a greater confidence. I am seeing myself be more bold. I am seeing change begin to happen from the inside out. The Lord is reshaping how I see myself when he is at the center of my life and it has been a beautiful thing to work through with him.
