Just a Hair Cut
This month we are excited to have been partnering with an organization called Cicrin.
Website: http://www.cicrinus.org/
They have transitioned from a children’s orphanage to predominately a Children’s Center and Christian School. Our first week ministry was helping within and around the classrooms. Pictured above is our first day at school!
Reflection Time:
Part of this 11 month journey in service is requiring me to examine and re-examine different parts of who I am. Asking self awareness questions like:
*What does it look like to be vulnerable today?
*What’s your dominant emotion lately?
FLASHBACK (late Aug. 2017 NJ, US)
My 1st Sunday back in town and heavy blue grey drops of water fell from a blue grey sky. Luckily I had my trusty boots and umbrella, no puddle too deep for a nice splish splash. My heart was happy having seen familiar faces, voices and looking forward to the week in quiet expectation. Here came the bus, I made eye contact with the driver and he let me on. I pulled out my bus card then sat down in my seat, smiled and we greeted one another. The conversation began…
Mr. St. Kitts: Did a perm do that to you or is that natural?
Me: (Instinctually, I wanted to get defensive and find another seat. This time I stayed and decided to give a real answer.)
Yes it’s a chemical burn. But my hair is healing and has already healed a lot.
P A U S E- It’s funny how life can throw your imperfections and vulnerabilities right in your face. The old me would be stuck at anger. But anger is really a mask for hurt.
Mr. St. Kitts: Our women (black women) should really leave that stuff alone. Our black hair is beautiful and does suck beautiful styles.
Me: Thankfully we are in a better place now. Women (black women) are embracing their natural beauty and information to maintain it is at our finger tips. The internet, salons, and stores everywhere; the US wasn’t like that before.
Mr. St. Kitts: That’s very true but it’s sad that it has taken so long. So many people, especially here have done so much harm to themselves. Believing that our blackness is bad and white is the only good.
Me: Where are you from?
Mr. St. Kitts: St. Kitts
Me: Well, there is a painful history here in America that has birthed that toxic mentality pervasive among men and women of every race.
The conversation went on to touch on self hatred, discrimination, bitterness and anger. Reflecting on it, I was reminded of the hope God has made alive in me. It allows me to know that God uses beyond my scars and looks to see the state of my heart. He always sees true value and beauty in me. So I don’t have to feel shame or insecurity about what others see, just stay focused on reaching for what he sees.
PRESENT
Some of those insecurities began to fidget within as things keep changing such as country climate, number of teammates, GI discomforts, emotions and my hair. Still the same pattern of growth and one more thing consuming my thoughts. Searching for solutions I continued to pray on it, then list and order by priority. One by one God began to provide answers:
-For the GI discomforts, the hostel owner, Christian, suggested a tea right from a plant that grew on his property. All I had to do was drink it for 3-4 days and the discomfort would clear. CHECK
-For the emotions, I decided to tackle it with exercise and therapeutic chats with our awesome leadership team and it was great to be able to hear from family/friends at home. CHECK
–The teammate thing is totally beyond of my control. But after adjusting it’s actually a much welcomed change. CHECK
-Finally my HAIR. Totally stuck and it was a day or so before leaving the country. I decided to ask around and Christian had some clippers!! This was the best and most easy solution, plus he was willing to let me use them. CHECK
There I was in front of the mirror thinking:
It’s just not that big of a deal. Hair can be short, long, or in the middle. Don’t let this be a thing. On went the clippers and hair began to fly lol. I think God heard my uncertainty because Christian came along and volunteered to help me. It came out really nice and he was patient to get the cut just right.
Somewhere along the line maybe, I made my hair/ self image too important! I never thought that embracing my short hair could be another way God would teach me about seeing myself more clearly.
