It’s been a good six weeks, a really, really good six weeks. There have been some struggles and some frustration, but all and all really, really good. I haven’t had any homesickness beyond the occasional want for my bed and my dog…and maybe sweatpants. But in general, not so much.
I’m tempted to say that the lack of real longing for home and discomfort was a concern, but honestly I hadn’t given it much thought. Until today. For the first time in a few days I had some quiet reflection time with God. (Have I mentioned it’s all squad month? A house full of 25 energetic people who I enjoy being around makes for a lot of distraction.) In that time I realized I miss my friends, and the ease in which I could call and talk to them. I miss the ability to have long conversations with people who know me well and not have to explain my past in the same breath. I miss knowing where to go to get medicine for a sick friend, never mind not knowing what to ask for when I get there. I miss lying on the couch with my dog. I miss hopping in my car and knowing how to get where I am going. I miss my family and the comfort of their presence when it’s been a long day. In general, I miss the convenience that is life back home in America. I was sad and longing for home, but I was content. Because for everyone of those heartaches, I also had something to bring me joy over the last six weeks.
I am surrounded by five incredible people. Teammates, friends, adopted family to encourage me, love me and call me higher and I LOVE them dearly. This month I have a very active, fun group of twenty four people living with me who are passionate about the same things—I literally always have someone to talk with. I have an amazing new city to explore and I can walk to everything I might need. I have opportunities to grow and learn new things. I have new people to meet everyday and opportunities to try new things around every corner. I’m walking in my calling and living out a life that God has called me to. I am so happy that I’m here.
As I reflected more on this throughout the day I realized a few important things:
2. For me part of this journey is being okay with crying in front of people, but honestly, in that moment, I just wanted to feel sad and have some time to myself to cry, because sometimes that’s all you need. Unfortunately, I’m not sure how or where to do that living in this type of community.
3. I like living in this tension, the tension between happy and sad. Between joy and heartache, and I know it won’t be the last time over the next nine months that I’ll experience it. To me, this is where life happens. I’m extremely grateful that I’ve had a full and comfortable life the last 31 years, that I’ve been blessed with people who love me well, who I can do life with, that I miss dearly. That God blessed me with community and opportunity at home to shape me into who I am, but that He’s also called me out into the world. I’m sure that if it wasn’t for my past, I couldn’t walk into the future confidently. The good, bad, and ugly of it all. Walking the line between happy and sad on this race is success for me and I want to live my life that way. Somewhere in between is growth and learning and experience and compassion, all of the things that make life worth living. This is where Grace resides, in the tension between extremes.
In that quiet time today I was reading 2 Corinthians 4–which might now be one of my favorite chapters of the Bible. I couldn’t quite process it this morning, but now as I return to it I think it’s applicable here. Paul writes to the Corinthian church about suffering and how it brings glory to Jesus as it prepares us for eternal life.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you….For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
2 Cor 4:7-17
In the same letter Paul writes about living in a favorable time and asks the Corinthians to widen their hearts, again he uses converse thoughts to make his point. Chapter 6 verse 10 says, “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.”
I pray that you can see my heart in the words that I’m writing. I want you to know that I miss you, I’m grateful for your love, support and generosity, but that I rejoice in the opportunity to be here. I pray that you too can reflect on Paul’s words and rejoice in your sorrows to find meaning there.
With love,
Sara
