We’re just over two months away from launching for the World Race and my life lately has been consumed by preparations for the trip. Aside from the obvious challenge of raising funds, I’m also preparing to lease my house, pack up or sell all of my stuff and arrange the business of my life in general. Add to that maintaining and/or building healthy relationships and I’ve been more than a little consumed. To say that it’s been easy would not be true, it’s been a struggle to keep moving and not get overwhelmed, but it’s also been a struggle because of all of the things I feel like I’m giving up. I knew God would use this season of preparation to teach me a lot, but I had no idea it would be this much. In understanding that my time, space and energy is finite and not unlimited it’s forced some interesting realizations.
1. There’s not enough time for everything
This has perhaps been the hardest thing for me to come to grips with. I have lengthy to do lists lately and while it’s frustrating, making time for myself so I’m not spent when August rolls around is important as well. What this looks like is not volunteering like I used to, learning to say no to events that I really want be a part of and getting creative with my time because I can’t fit it all in. It makes me sad, because FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is hard at any age and I’m giving up things I love like serving with outreach at my church, time to create, and spending time with friends and family. These are all things that I not only love to do, but I believe they are a big part of who I am.
2. The nature of relationships change
I have amazing friends and family in my life that have supported me in ways I never would have expected when I started this journey and I have been blessed beyond words through them. I want to spend what little time I have investing in them and those relationships. In making this a priority the last couple of months I’ve had to face some hard facts. I have high expectations for the people in my life and it’s impossible for them all to be met. I tend to take this personally, but it’s also not fair to the other person. Part of growing up is realizing that some people are not always going to be in our lives and that is ok. It’s also realizing that just because I want someone to play a specific role in my life doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to happen that way — and no matter how stubborn I want to be about it. What I can appreciate about that is, when I stop holding space for one person, I allow myself to let other people in, people who often surprise me with the impact they will have on my life.
3. I can do more, with less
I have TOO MUCH STUFF. That’s really all there is to this one, I — like most people — place too much of my worth and value in material things. None of it really matters that much and all it does is hold us back. As I prepare to leave by selling or storing most of my material possessions it’s forcing me to consider why I’m holding on to things and what is worth holding on to. Two things have helped with this, the Minimalist podcast and asking myself this question “When I unpack this in a year will it make me happy or stress me out?”
4. My expectations limit me
This has been the biggest challenge so far, because those of you who know me, know that I’m a planner. I’m organized, I enjoy spreadsheets and binders, I like to know what’s coming and be able to plan for what’s ahead as much as possible. Here’s what I’ve learned, I can plan all day long and I can prepare for what’s coming, but ultimately life doesn’t fit into a pretty little spreadsheet. I can’t control the amount of donations I receive or when they will come, I can’t control the unexpected expenses that I might not foresee, and I can’t make this happen on my own. I’ll admit, letting go of control is a lesson that I’m tired of receiving from God. It seems we go round and round on this topic over and over and over again, and yet I struggle with it regularly. I’ll spare you the historical reasons why or the psychoanalysis of my past, I crave control and I’ve said from the beginning, this trip is going to challenge that. It’s beyond me why I ever thought that preparing for it would be any different. I’m being reminded that God wants me to lean on him and be obedient, because really that’s all I can do. So I’ll move on, I’ll stay faithful and I’ll look ahead remembering God’s promises of the future and how he’s been there for me in the past.
After a few days (or weeks) of reflection I realized it all really come down to managing expectations; expectations for myself, for others and for God. Letting go of those expectations is how I’m going to make it through the next year of my life and it’s far better to learn this lesson now than to learn it on month 3 of this trip in a country far from home and everything that is familiar. And all the while God is teaching me to lean more on him for strength, to rely on him for provision and to look to him for what I’m lacking. I was challenged by a mentor lately who asked me one question, “What if you don’t meet those goals or have that money?” (At the time we were talking about my savings goal for the trip). And I had an answer, it wasn’t an answer I liked, but the answer wasn’t anything dramatic or life altering, it was simply something I didn’t prefer and something that would force me to rely on someone else and give up “my safety net”. And that’s what it all really boils down to, right? Control, expectations, the planning, it’s all about ME taking care of ME. Read that as me doing it on my own. In this same conversation I was reminded of Matthew 19:21
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
That’s what it’s about, remembering that like the sparrows in the air and the flowers of the field, that God will provide for us no matter what. I don’t expect to be perfect, I will not be selling ALL of my possessions, but it’s a good reminder that everything I need to fulfill my calling God can most definitely provide.
So I ask you: What are you holding onto? What expectations, people or possessions are you gripping so tightly that you can’t receive all that God has in store for you? You might be surprised when you open your hands to let these precious things go what God will present you with in turn. We can’t receive anything if we’re clutching our hands tightly around what we already have.
I’ll also leave you with this image a friend sent me after previewing this post, we thought it was relevant. 😉
