world race gap year: 9 months. 5 countries.
cool concept, right? adventure, travel, missions, friends. what more could you want?
a year and a half ago I was finishing the fall semester of my sophomore year, and I had plans: I was set to live with some of my closest friends the following school year and thought I had my degree planned out. I had a job I liked (for the most part), and it was almost Christmas time. but, there was something missing. actually, a lot missing. I was in a really unhealthy place: I was being suffocated by anxiety and apathy. I had no deep friendships, because I refused to let people in. my grades were a mess, mostly because I was too anxious to do school work or go to classes. I didn’t have a solid relationship with the Lord, which was the biggest problem. I craved something new, but felt stuck. so, I re-applied for WRGY.
Today, as I was painting bible verses in Albanian on the outside of the church we’re working at, I started thinking about those friends I was supposed to live with. I was thinking about what my room would look like, what those friendships would look like, what I would look like.
was it worth it?
the answer to this question has to be answered with the same weight it’s asked in, so this may take a while.
the last 9 months have been the most transformative months of my life. they’ve also been the most challenging. I’ve played with too many children to count, taught multiple English classes (which I’m definitely not qualified to do), painted walls and built gardens. I’ve had hard conversations and hilarious ones. I’ve (literally, figuratively, and verbally) wrestled with my teammates. I’ve been called out on my b.s. and encouraged endlessly. I’ve made friends that have become more important to me than most things (@ food). I’ve learned new skills and experienced some crazy things.
currently, I’m sitting in my bed after doing 20 hours of ministry in 48 hours. I’m sleep-deprived and physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. right now, it’s easy to say this wasn’t worth it. it’s easy to wish away the last few days I have left here, and to do the bare-minimum that’s required of me. BUT, saying “yes” to the Lord when I was accepted to the race last January has changed everything. it’s drastically changed my life and set me on a new path. it has provided me with so many opportunities I could’ve never imagined or experienced otherwise. it has grown me and shaped me into a new human (with the same sass).
I’ll never know what my room would’ve looked like or what the dynamics of my friendships would be, and that’s okay. instead, I know my teammates coffee orders and how to communicate with only hand motions. I know that I’m capable of laying carpet and painting multiple walls. I know a little more about what the Father’s heart is for myself and the strangers I encounter every day. and if that’s not worth it, then I don’t know what is.
