When I applied to go on gap year, I was instantly burdened with the reality that I wouldn’t spend Thanksgiving or Christmas or my birthday in America with the people I loved. I almost decided to put it off; I had a plan for what this day would look like, and I didn’t want anything to interrupt that plan.
twenty-one.
this week I turned 21 years old.
the expectations I had for this day:
America. beer. wine. vodka. bars. blurry pics. blurry memories.
the reality:
Cambodia. teaching English. all day. sweat. coconuts: the world’s most naturally hydrating drink!!!
that’s the funny & beautiful thing about following Jesus: your expectations and plans are never nearly as good or fulfilling as His are.
last birthday, I sat in my bed all day and cried. I cried because I barely had a community or friends. because I had taken a few days off of work and I was sure my best friend would plan something. it never happened. because I wanted to sit in misery and feel the pain.
this year was different.
this year, I didn’t know if I wanted to tell anyone my desire for a surprise party or anything special. heck, I didn’t know if I wanted anyone to even know when my birthday was.
but, I inevitably started forming a picture about what this day or weekend would look like. I decided to jokingly tell people I wanted a surprise party, which quickly turned to a serious plead.
Two incredible women on my squad heard the desperate plea and decided to do something the weekend before. my friend Bree booked a hotel room for the three of us and took us to a nice restaurant for dinner. Grace planned a surprise party at a local coffee shop & took me out for a massage. It was a weekend full of laughter, joy, prayer, tears, and thankfulness.
Jesus is good. He is faithful. His love is perfect – for me, for you, for the world.
He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalms 37:4). He sees the pain we go through and meets us there. He loves us so much that if we wait for His timing and trust in Him, He’ll provide.
He knew that the past few birthdays haven’t been great. He knows the pain that I experienced on those days. He also knew that this birthday would be different. He set it apart before I could even breathe. He made it fulfilling & filled with love.
He put people in my path to make me feel cherished and celebrated. who make me tangibly feel the love He has for me. on this day & every other day.
He’ll do that for you, too. He wants to do that for you. it doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye & you usually overlook it. but if you keep choosing Him and His will for you, He’ll keep providing. He’ll lavish everything He has on you as long as you pursue Him. (I promise that it’s always worth it. even when it doesn’t seem like it)
