apathy. you’ve probably heard this word thrown around, but never really understood what it meant. for a long time, that was me. I had heard it, but never really knew what it meant or how it could apply to me. apathy is when you see, experience, or hear something but don’t have any emotion towards it.
This is how I’ve lived the last few years of my life, and let me tell you, it makes things a lot easier. Whenever a situation arose that I didn’t want to feel, I just turned a blind eye to it. for example, when I lost a friend and two weeks later lost my grandma, I should’ve been a wreck. I should’ve mourned & cried & grieved their passing, but I didn’t. instead, I pretended like I was fine and just pushed it to a place that would not be easy to dig up. I think that’s when apathy started to set in; I only ever felt the bad emotions like anger, resentment, jealously, and righteousness. To this day, I can’t really remember a time where I felt raw, pure emotions like love, joy, freedom, awe, giddiness, and so on.
how do you overcome apathy? it’s been so easy to go through life without feeling those emotions that hit your harder than a bowling ball. and when you start to feel those, you just shut them down faster than your mom can say your entire name. it becomes a way of life.
but The Lord didn’t create us to be apathetic. He created us to feel. He created us to have His heart. Jesus even said, “I came that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10. “life to the full” has many meanings. but right now, it means feeling everything; taking every emotion you feel & embracing it completely. whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, whatever. feel it. embrace it. it won’t last forever. and to be honest, I don’t have it all down. I’ve been praying for emotions & the ability to embrace them for over a week now, and the Lord provided.
Last month the Lord started calling me into a new life. He continuously calls us to have a heart like His. to feel the emotions He created & the He felt. The only way to overcome apathy is to ask the Lord for His heart every second of every day. “Lord, give me Your heart for this person. this situation. break my heart for whats breaks Yours.” This is a hard prayer to pray, because the Lord always gives you a new heart. He will break your heart over and over again if you ask Him to. and it sucks, to be honest. I hate hearing or seeing something that makes my cry. but, I love the joy I can find in my friends, the belly-laughs over Megan’s dancing or Mariah’s sass.
If you find yourself dealing with apathy, please don’t continue to live in it. I know it’s easier. I know it feels better than letting emotions in. I know the relief that comes with it. but it’s not worth it. let that Ben Rector song wreck you. let that sappy rom com make you cry all the tears. let your friends make you laugh and talk about hard things. I promise you, the joy that comes along with the pain is so much better than nothing.
p.s. We made it to Ecuador!! I’m still in need of $531 to be fully funded! would you consider investing in my trip?
