Our first day of ministry, we went to a site in the city of Manantiales. The compound is a ministry site where they offer a place for children to play and learn, and also vocational classes for adults to learn trade skills. Here we were handed a face mask, gloves, and a broom and were taken to an auto workshop that had obviously not been used in a long time (there was at least a centimeter of dust on the floor alone). We were told to clean the whole room and given the advice to sprinkle some water on the ground, so that when we swept the dust wouldn’t fly up into out faces. A few minutes passed and it was obvious that the water was doing more harm than good; it was just forming the dust into a paste & making the floor dirtier.
Then, a few women who worked at the compound came in and flooded the place. I’m talking a good inch/inch and a half of water. Our brooms turned into “mops” to just push the dirty water out of there—we’d do the smaller stuff later.
Honestly, there isn’t anything very significant to this story other than we got to play in dirty water and scrub dust off old machinery. What’s important is what the Lord reminded me of while I was doing it. He took me back to the time before I knew Him & dedicated my life to Him & His plan—I was dirty, useless, & not worth a whole bunch. When I try to throw some water on those areas to fix myself, I end up just making the situation worse & dirtier. When I let Jesus come in & fix me, it took a lot of flooding, scrubbing, and wet shoes to get me back to where I was created to be. Now let me be clear, this one time didn’t fix everything. Just like we couldn’t clean everything in that room, it takes more time and hard work to make everything clean again; we also could never get that room to “perfect”. No matter how many times we sprayed, flooded, wiped that entire room down, there will always be a speck of dust or something a little wrong, and that’s okay.
Growth is hard. I resisted it for a long time, and still struggle with accepting it. It’s full of messing up, re-do’s, grace, and frustration. The beauty that comes out of it, though, is worth it. I’ve struggled with generalized anxiety for over a year, paralyzed by the thought of going to a coffee shop alone. Now, I’m in Colombia, giddy at the thought of finding the cutest coffee shop around. The Lord has used situations, counselors, mentors, and friends to bring me to the place I am today, but I had to choose it. I had to be open to the idea of growing & stretching my comfort zone, solely so I could grow closer to Him & the plan He laid out for me years ago.
