I haven’t even been in the states for a week and it has already been the hardest week of my year. How can I face the hardships of the entire world but struggle tremendously in my home country? My first thought was,
“Well I am a Texan in Seattle, I don’t belong here.”
What a crafty lie! I almost believed it, until God interrupted.
“Remember your true identity, remember the name I gave you.”
(see previous blog.)
In that moment it clicked! My identity is not in being a Texan, it’s in Jesus. Yes I agree that no true Texan would be happy in Seattle, but no true Christian should be ok with the way this country is. I’m back in the USA and this is not my home. Jesus is my home. I am struggling in America because I am no longer blinded to the fact that this country needs Jesus, just as desperately as anywhere I’ve been this past year.
I’ve been praying for God to make me a warrior for the kingdom and to give me battles to fight. I want to be a battle tested man and I want to glorify God in all of it. That prayer was answered as soon as I stepped on to American soil. He gave me battles, ministry opportunities, and He graciously allowed me to apply everything I’ve learned this past year.
I’ve been heavily attacked spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically, but I’m not giving up. I know God has put this mission on my heart and I feel honored to stand firm and persevere in this battlefield.
That being said, here’s a quick update on my mission to bring kingdom across the country.
My purpose for doing this is to raise awareness that you can live your life on mission right here in America. I want to lead by example in displaying what is looks like to reflect Christ in America.
Day 1, I nearly broke down as I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed with how busy, expensive, and unwelcoming this country is. Seattle is cold too, I hate the cold, especially in June! Due to constant unfortunate setbacks, I walked over 7 miles in flip flops. 5 of those miles were with a big pack and a small pack weighing me down. I got in trouble for trespassing and I left my water bottle in the expensive Uber that took me to the wrong destination, 2 miles from the house I was staying in. I also fell asleep in public twice. On top of everything I was battling a sinus infection that was draining me.
Over the next few days I struggled with jet lag, my sinus infection, and finding time to focus and sit with The Lord. I was sick and very tired, but I stayed in constant contact with God. The city was overwhelming. This is by far the most liberal place I’ve ever been and it was gay pride weekend. There were pride flags on every business and church in sight. I am also facing emotional exhaustion due to all the change and a couple of very hard conversations I had with close friends.
I started to make myself a victim and considered going home. I knew I needed to get it together and start living on mission.
I began praying for provision and guidance to fulfill the purpose God has for me on this journey. Each day got harder but the opportunities and provision were coming!
I was able to hang out with some old friends from my past who have never known the new me. I haven’t seen them since I got saved, and I know they could clearly see a tremendous transformation. I hung out with them all night and even went to one of the biggest LGBT parties in the city with them. Now, we are all straight so I have no idea why they wanted to go there. So there I was in the middle of Seattle, feeling like I was in Sodom and Gomorra.
Yes I’m a follower of Jesus and I attended a gay party. I guarantee you my intentions were not the same as anyone else’s though. I was oddly very comfortable there. I said to myself…
“I am a warrior! This is where I belong, I’m in the battlefield right now!”
I never thought I’d be so excited to be at an LGBT festival. I was excited because I was shining light in the darkest territory, I was excited because I was bringing kingdom where no one else would. I began to pray for all of the people. I was without a doubt the only Christian there. I found it sad that I was probably the only person in the world praying for those specific people at that moment. I know that Jesus or even Paul would’ve been right there with me. I genuinely love those people and my heart was broken for them……
My heart shatters as I’m typing this and I’m on the verge of crying right now….
There were grown men dancing around wearing nets and tiaras. My heart hurt so badly. I just wanted to grab them and hug them, and tell them that they have a father who loves them so much. I wanted to tell them that they were made to be warriors and that they have what it takes. I wanted to get on stage grab the microphone and set these people free! In that moment I developed yet another passion, a passion to minister to the gay community. I want us as Christians to really consider actually loving people and not judging them. Not just homosexuals but EVERYONE. Jesus loves us, and we say we love Him. So please join me in loving and praying for the LGBT community. Do NOT support the sin, but genuinely love them and speak life into them.
After that day, the target on my chest doubled in size and the attacks came at me in every direction. It freaking hurt. I’ve been walking around Seattle with a seriously broken heart. I’m overcoming a 7 day sinus infection, and struggling to stand in this storm with my arms stretched out to the king. I haven’t had an appetite because I have so much on my mind and I’m just hurting emotionally. I’m extremely sensitive to the spiritual realm and it’s a hard gift to have.
BUT GOD….
He has been right here beside me through it all. He knows I genuinely want to be here fighting for this country. I’ve had many offers to have a free flight home, and it’s been tempting to just call it quits. I can’t do it though. This journey has been extremely hard already, but there’s no place I’d rather be than right here in the battlefield fully relying on my father. He has provided for me in so many ways …….
I now have a free place to stay for the week. I’m with a youth pastor here in Seattle.
God even provided me a free place to stay in Oregon next week, and in Denver.
One day I was having an extremely hard day and I was about to bust out in tears. I said God I can’t do this. I’m going home, this is too much for me. Right after I said that I saw a church van. I wrestled with God about talking to them but finally gave in.
I told them I was a traveling missionary who was having a hard day and I asked them for prayer. They gladly joined hands and prayed over me. That gave me fuel to keep going.
Many people from my world race squad have reached out to me and encouraged me so much already. Their love and support is overwhelmingly biblical and life giving.
I’ve learned this week that I need to seek community and I need to walk fearlessly in vulnerability. I want to challenge you all to do the same. I also need prayer, I’m dealing with a lot of past wounds and my heart has been worn down lately by everything. Thank you so much!
Lastly, please please please join me in this mission. I don’t want this to be for nothing, and I know God will use it for His glory no matter what. But how cool would it be for all of us who read this to go out daily and bring kingdom.
I want God to use me, and you to shake this nation and make it a true nation under God. Let’s do it! Let’s stop complaining about this country and start a revival! We are the body, we have what we need to fulfill the will of God for America!
I’m headed to Portland and Bend, Oregon soon. After that I will head to Utah, Colorado, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia.
I love you all and thanks for your constant support.
