I know, I know, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and I apologize!!!! Life’s been a little crazy. Today was the first time we were granted permission to leave our little mountain home due to riots happening because of the Honduran election (we are safe, no need to worry!!!). I went slightly stir crazy because I was stuck here for 9 days, but I got some good time with Jesus, I washed some laundry, I took a bucket shower after a week of not showering (Sry not sry for the vulnerability), and just reflected on God’s goodness and faithfulness.
Lately, after thanksgiving happened and Christmas approaching, I’ve realized that it’s hard to avoid homesickness. Sometimes I’m homesick for materialistic things, like a hot (real) shower, a cozy bed, and a home cooked meal. Sometimes I’m homesick for a hug from my mom, a good laugh with my big brothers, late night talks with my best friends, and Sunday mornings at my home church. The list could honestly go on. I’m not complaining, because I know that with pain and uncomfortableness comes growth and dependence on what really matters; God and his promises.
Recently, I’ve been listening to the song “Home” by Phillip Phillips and God has been speaking to me through this song. The first verse goes “hold on to me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road” it’s not a christian song, but let’s be honest, God can speak through anything. The Lord is telling me that there will be parts of this journey that will be uncomfortable and unbearable, but I can hold onto him and I can rest in his embrace. His promises are true, and he holds me through this journey of the world race, but also the journey called life.
The next verse goes “although this wave is stringing us along, just know you’re not alone, cause I’m gonna make this place your home”. He’s showing me that I’m definitely not alone in what I’m feeling, because though he’s an almighty father, he’s also a close friend. He’ll place people in my path to make me fall in love with certain places and leave pieces of my heart there, and I like to say that home is where the heart is. I’ll be calling many places “home” this year. Yet, He reminds me that my home is not on this earth, though I may call many places “home” like Holland, Michigan, Battambang, Cambodia and currently Tegucigalpa, Honduras… my home is actually with my Father in Heaven.
This is what the next verse says “settle down, it’ll all be clear, don’t pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear”. This ones good. The Lord is telling me to quiet myself, to quiet my fears, to let go of what I’m homesick about, because it’ll all be clear what he’s doing and how he’s growing me. He’s always doing something behind the scenes. He says not to pay attention or worry about how the enemy is trying to work against me, and to stop believing the lies that he’s been telling me, because GODS PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR!!! Can I get an amen?
The next verse is “the trouble it might drag you down, if you get lost you can always be found”. I can sometimes get caught up in how I miss home, and family and just living a more “comfortable” life, but it does a heart so good to live in abandonment and dependence on the Lord. The truth is that I will always be found in Him no matter how lost I might feel in my struggles and mistakes. He’s so good.
I have a lot to thank God for. I’m blessed that I have a home in many places, but ultimately in Heaven. Nine months compared to eternity there is nothing. I’m soaking in every moment. Whether that be every laugh, celebration, good days, growth, or, breaking points, bad days, the tears I cry, and uncomfortable situations. I’ll praise him in every moment and I continue to turn to him when I need his company, his comfort, his strength, I could go on and on. He’s a giving God.
The complete and honest truth is that I’m not okay at this exact moment, and I’m not always going to be okay (and that’s OKAY!). Abandonment is hard, there’s no denying that. What I do know is that God’s faithfulness is unwavering and his goodness is real, and I can cling onto that. I may not feel like I’m experiencing it right now, but I know I will see the outcome soon. God bears good fruits when you abide in him (John 15:4).
