Frogs. Grasshoppers. Spiders. Ants. LICE. Basically all the creepy crawling critters. I shower daily with spiders crawling above and frogs hopping by my feet. Pesky ants sneak their way into sealed containers of treats from home. The occasional grasshopper joins us at the table for our morning bag coffee and breakfast. LICE. Noticeably crawling through a majority of the precious little ones’ hair. Hot. Humid. Sticky. Constantly covered in sweat
Yet, I cannot deny the beauty and appeal of Cambodia. While I could live without the critters all around me, I am loving my time here! We are partnering with a local church in a village in Kampot province. We are teaching English to children ages 3-18, leading kids club on Sundays, preaching, sharing testimonies, home visits, intercession, and construction. The community is full of friendly faces willing to be interrupted from their busy schedules to give us a moment of their time and chat/pray with us. While there are not many Christians in the village, there is a noticeable hunger for God’s truth. I have seen God at work in the short time we’ve been here with every eager and excited ‘hello’ from the children at school. From the invitations to sit, talk, and pray with women in the community that are in need of healing and feeling forgotten. I see God at work when we are told we are only allowed to pray for a woman if we visit her again because she wants to know she matters. I see God in the faithful perseverance and joy in our host Vuthy. I see God this month when the weather and busy schedule are draining and I am asked to reflect on where I put my trust?
Looking back over the past few months I can see how God was working in my life and asking me this same question…Where do I put my trust? What am I depending on to get me through the day and give me energy? I recently listened to a sermon that shined a new light on the gospel. The pastor stated that the key question is not is God’s word true?
Rather it’s is He trustworthy? Logically I can say YES, of course He is! Yet over the past few months I have noticed how a careless ill-intended word can cut me to the core and cover my identity in Jesus in a cloud of doubt and lies. How my clumsiness or fear of failure keeps me from being obedient to what He asks. I got to the point where I was telling God that I was done. Done working so hard at communicating with my team. Done sharing my thoughts and feelings with my community. Done trying to love others that dislike me. Done feeling lonely and wanting friends.
I wrote God an angry letter telling Him just how completely done I was…and somehow it ended with “I need you Lord. I can’t do this. Only you can.” That’s when I heard the gentle whisper of ‘about time my precious child.’ I finally came to a place where I am stepping out of the way. I am giving up any unrealistic notion that I am in control. I am letting Him fight my battles and be my comforter.
I am sure this will be an ongoing lesson that I’ll have to consciously keep relinquishing control and God will take me to deeper levels of understanding of His desire to comfort and be there for me. Yet this truth and surrender has filled me with joy and given me a new heart for the people around me.
While thinking about what trust looks like in my life, God led me to Psalm 27. The following verses stuck out to me;
V1. The LORD is my light and salvation—The LORD is the stronghold of my life
V7. Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me.
V11. Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
V13-14. I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
After meditating on these verses I learned that the first verse symbolizes my well-being and is a confession that I have confidence in Him as the source of my salvation. I am encouraged that God hears and will answer me. God is more powerful than anything that tries to pull me away or tear me down. And regardless of circumstances He will still lead and teach me. God is alive and at work. He is working all things for the goodness of those that follow Him and He loves with an unrelenting love.
WAIT. The word wait is almost a detestable word. No one truly enjoys being told to wait. Yet God says it twice in one sentence because we need that reminder. To wait. Wait for the LORD and look to Him with dependency and trust; not passivity. Waiting is an action desirable to God. Waiting allows Him to move in our lives and those around us. Waiting let’s His power and goodness be shown. Waiting seems easy enough, however it can be the most difficult thing at times if we do it apart from God.
I’ve been in Cambodia for a short time and every moment here is for a greater purpose. God is at work in my life, molding and shaping my heart to be more like His. I am so grateful His pursuit of me is never ending. Forever patient. And ultimately unstoppable.
I want to encourage you all to think about where you put your trust? What do you trust in apart from God? And let Him speak to you and draw you closer into a beautiful and all-consuming relationship with Him.
Love you all! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for all of your prayers, love, and financial support. I still need to raise $3,500 to be fully funded by January 31. Any amount get me closer to my goal and is truly appreciated. Please join me in sharing the gospel and growing the kingdom. God bless!
Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your strength. Luke 10:27
