Pride: /noun/ a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
As I walk through this season of raising support to fulfill the call to missions that God has called me to, the reality of how vulnerable I have to be to others overwhelms me. I am 100% an introvert. Meaning my comfort zone stays strictly within communicating my thoughts and emotions to family and a handful of friends and that’s usually after lots of persuasion. I recharge from spending time alone and feel awkward and out of place in large groups. Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy talking to people about Jesus and what He has done in my life; however, I rarely start conversations for fear that…well because of just that, FEAR. I’m fearful to be seen, to be heard, to make connections, to get hurt, of the unknown, failing etc.
I love to listen and dread having to speak. Without a doubt I know God has created me to be an introvert, however He did NOT create me to hideaway and block His light. He did NOT create me to be ashamed. He created me to worship and grow a relationship with HIM. He created me to love and be loved. He created me to serve Him and others. He created me to know HIM!
Lately when the fear of talking about my journey on the World Race or my story and how God is at work overwhelms me, God has persistently reminded me that those thoughts are NOT from Him. That those thoughts of not being good enough, qualified enough, worth enough are NOT from Him. And more importantly those thoughts are quite self-centered. I keep hearing God tell me that it is NOT about me. Asking people for donations to partner with me to serve God and further His kingdom, is NOT about me and how I feel. Posting blogs or even on social media for that matter, so that I can spread the gospel and how God is alive and at work in my life, is NOT about me.
These are opportunities and resources that God has blessed me with to glorify and honor HIM. He is the reason for every good thing. While I never thought I struggled with the issue of pride, God has shown me how I have been deceived. Using being an introvert or shy has been my excuse to keep the good news, my struggles, and my testimony to myself. I received some wisdom from a wonderful and lovely woman of faith, Katie, and would like to share it with all of you in hopes that God will draw you into closer relationship with Him.
-She told me that being shy is another way of saying it is all about me. Letting being shy stop me from showing God’s love and grace to others is making it all about me and putting God on the sidelines. She told me instead of walking in to a crowded room and focusing on how uncomfortable I feel, what people will think of me, or anything that was ME ME ME; I should look around the room and see who God wants me to make feel welcomed, accepted, and loved. Turn my focus from me to others.-
With all that being said, I choose to just stop it! Easier said than done, I know. Which is why God has blessed me with accountability partners and prayer warriors. I’m going to strive to focus my thoughts on how God sees me and others, what God wants me to share with others, and to be awestruck and amazed of how God has moved in my life to the point where I shine His light wherever and with whomever He calls me. I will no longer choose to stay paralyzed with fear! I am choosing total obedience! I am choosing total surrender! I am choosing to step out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable, because the bottom line is…my life is not really my own. I owe it all to Jesus and HALLELUJAH for that!
Thank you joining me on this journey! Please partner with me in prayer for the countries and people my team and I will travel to and meet. As well as prayerfully consider financially partnering with me by clicking on the “donate” button located at the top of the page. I am grateful for any amount you are able to donate!
Psalm 138:1-8
1I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise.
2 I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your unfailing love and your faithfulness, for you have so exalted your solemn decree that it surpasses your fame.
3 When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me.
4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, LORD, when they hear what you have decreed.
5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD, for the glory of the LORD is great.
6 Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though proud, he sees them from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me.
8 The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever¬¬¬- do not abandon the works of your hands.
