Life seems to come in waves. Waves of joy and gratitude. Waves of routine and normalcy. Waves of frustration, hurt, guilt and sadness. These seasons come and go but the hardest seasons seem to feel endless.
Change is really hard, adjusting to that change is even more challenging and preparing for the World Race has been my biggest challenge yet. I spend every day coming up with new ways to fundraise, making lists of things I need, writing letters to supporters, buying gear or attempting to come up with a budget in order to save money. I cannot seem to go 30 minutes without doing some form of World Race preparation. It seems to be eating up all of my energy and all too often I find myself discouraged and frustrated.
I made attempts to plan fundraisers that all too easily fell through, I lost money on some and some were less successful than I would have hoped and I began to doubt God’s work in this process. That discouragement resulted in bad moods, short tempers and a whole lot of tears!
After what seemed like my tenth breakdown of the month, I watched a sermon that I had missed a few weeks prior. As I listened to the message, I returned to John 11:17-44, the story of Lazarus’ death. Mary and Martha, the sisters of this ill and dying man, called upon Jesus in hopes that He would come to heal him but when Jesus had arrived, Lazarus had already been dead for four days and it was believed that after three days, the soul of the individual would permanently find rest in the afterlife. When Jesus arrived Martha said to Jesus ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’ Jesus then responded to Martha saying that Lazarus would rise and he did.
Even now. The center of Pastor Shawn’s message and the key healing in this story. Even after it seemed impossible to bring Lazarus back from the dead, she had faith that if she asked, God would provide. Even now, after weeks of struggling in preparation for the Race, the Lord provides when I respond in faith. In a wave of frustration and hurt, I stepped away from God but He had been patiently awaiting my return.
As I opened my email today, I came across a donation that was the exact amount that I had expected to raise in a fundraiser that fell through the night before. Even now, God continuously proves to me His grace and faithfulness. Thank you, friend, for believing in me, for supporting me in this journey but mostly for reminding me that this is where God wants me.
