Day 99 – 12.15.17
[Posting on Day 100 – 12.16.17]
Before I start, I want to apologize for not posting as much as I want to. I have many blogs in the works, but often times I’ve noticed it’s hard for me to match my time with my energy. But I want to set aside the pressure to post those first, because I want to share an experience I just had with you.
This week, there’s been a team change. My family of five has grown to a family of seven, with Ana Walker and Ally Williams joining Team Eliora. I already adore them, and I’m eager to see how God stretches us and grows us.
So, fun fact. Our room only has six beds (and by beds I mean steel towers). I had been sleeping on the roof in my friend’s tent, but the night before my new teammates arrived, the tent broke. So the past few nights, the tiny space on the floor between our bunk beds has been my place to throw my sleeping pad.
Since my team has nowhere else to walk, I normally get kicked a few times. Never intentionally, so usually it’s no biggie. But last night, it didn’t go over well with me. I felt pushed around, literally, and like I didn’t have a place, literally. I had a terrible attitude when I laid down to sleep. I was confused. It isn’t like me to feel so upset about something like that. I let myself cry it out, and it wasn’t pretty. I fell asleep essentially a wallowing mess.
Today we went on a day retreat with our ministry hosts. The compound we went to, housing 15 orphans, was surrounded by games, laughter, and tarps. We sat under beautiful trees on these tarps for worship and Bible study. The message spoke to me and helped me process through the night before.
It was about how detrimental an attitude of self pity can be to our relationship with God and with others. We are blessed, and God cares with who we are being, not the things we’re doing. He’s concerned with our heart for Him. Our intentions. I can do ministry and serve all day long, but if my heart’s not in the right place, it’s going to backfire. Maybe in the form of a minor meltdown on my floor, cuddling the rusty steel of the surrounding beds.
After the message, I sat down next to my squadmate. She suddenly explained through tears the room the kids live in. I asked the young girl who showed my friend to show me as well.
This picture you see is of their room. Steel bunks, a few blankets. Miscellaneous items like rope and cups.
And that was it.
No mattresses, no toys, no kind of decorations or entertainment, and no color or comfort.
You ever been in one of those situations where you just don’t know what to do with yourself? This was one of those situations.
I awkwardly tried to ask the young girl which bunk was hers. She pointed at one and rambled in Telugu, seemingly oblivious to my change in demeanor.
I took a good look at her. Her innocent stare, her bright eyes and beautiful dress. Then I took a good look at her bed. Her rusty, bare, bed.
This little princess sleeps here?
Now, I don’t tell you this story to inspire pity. Not at all.
Quite the opposite.
I tell you this story because those kids who I barely even spoke to, carried an inspiring joy and spirit of excitement. I tell you this story because it’s a reminder of the blessings we take for granted, such as sleeping pads (or in your case, mattresses). I tell you this story because it snapped me out of a self centered mindset and brought me to a place of gratefulness and immense love for those kids. I tell you this story because it isn’t just a story, but a reality too many people avoid thinking about.
You see, they don’t need pity. They don’t even need mattresses. They need prayers and continued growth and support through the ministries that’ve already blessed them with the Gospel and with a place to sleep.
It’s us who are in need. We need to know the world does not revolve around us and our desires. We need to know God is good when our circumstances are not. He’s worth following, because a life revolving around Him, becomes a beautiful undoing, that frees us with every twirl and through every trial.
I’m so thanful for those kids as they grow up walking confident in God’s provision and peace. What they’ve taught me has convicted me and uplifted me today, and I pray it does the same for you. Thank you for the love and support that never stops coming. Only $293 dollars to go till I’m fully funded! Amazing. Please donate if you are able (my final deadline is the end of this month!) I love you all. Keep the faith.
