Earlier this month I traveled to Haiti to begin month two of my World Race. On the way into the country I started praying a prayer that I have never prayed in my life. I sat on the bus staring out of the window next to tears begging God for a lilac bush.
Growing up there was a lilac bush in front of my house. The stadium where I went to watch my brothers play football and run track for years and years had a row of lilac bushes in front of it. Lilacs are my mother’s favorite smell and there were ALWAYS lilac scented candles in my house. But why, in this new country with all these new things to see and amazing God moments to experience, was I asking for something familiar and random like a lilac bush?
Here is the truth. During our travel day one of my squadmates, Ky, was very sick. The night before I was asked by our leadership to come and help check up on her and give my opinion on her condition because of my medical training. She was in a rough state. Everything that I saw pointed toward and infection that was affecting her entire body. High fever, migraine, nausea, perfect storm to make the upcoming bus ride a living hell for her, but that night we had to make a decision: go to the hospital and leave a group in the Dominican Republic with her until the hospital released her, or try to power through and get her to the medical clinic at our ministry site in Haiti. After consulting with our risk management team back home we were told that the border crossing we were facing was a difficult and potentially dangerous one meaning there was strength and safety in numbers. We were encouraged to do our best to get her across the border rather than spend the night in a hospital and expose a small group to unnecessary risk. Ky was in agreement and we started loading her up with all the recommended medication that we had to keep her as comfortable as we could for the long drive ahead.
The next morning I carried her down the stairs and to the bus packed with over 40 Racers ready and excited to get to the next country. Once in the bus Ky settled into her seat next to me and the pain in her face was apparent. For the next twelve hours, the world became so small. I’ve sat in ambulances with strangers and friends alike suffering from all kinds of maladies. I’ve seen people that were deathly ill and taken them into my care with no hesitation. This was different. This was my friend lying next to me, suffering, and there was nothing I could do. I sat there counting down the minutes until I could give her the next dose of tylenol, all the while going over in my mind the worst case scenario that could possibly happen and realizing that I am woefully unprepared to handle it. I’ve heard enough first hand stories and seen enough with my own eyes to know how bad things like this can go in a flash and to deal with it I was equipped with a bottle of tylenol and a bottle of ibuprofen. I did not have a fully stocked ambulance. I did not have a partner to cooperate with. I did not have an ED staff waiting 15 minutes away.
Once we got to the boarder crossing my squad mentor, Kate, and I got Ky off the bus, half carrying her, to get her through immigration. Feeling how weak she was in that moment terrified me. At that moment, I knew that she was deteriorating. A human body is remarkable at fighting infections and sickness, but it has it’s limits. Seeing my friend hurting, knowing that she was trusting me to take care of her, understanding how sick she was and how little I could do, made me terrified.
Shortly after we made it through the boarder Kate told me that the clinic was ready to receive Ky and that they had a doctor that they were even trying to get to meet us out at the bus. Relief was in sight but still hours away. One of my teammates, Kate, saw the worry in my face and asked if I was alright. “I’m fine, just a little stressed is all.” What an understatement that was. My heart was hurting for my friend that was in pain, and my shoulders were breaking under the weight that I placed there myself to be able to care for my squad. That is when I turned to stare out the window, tears in my eyes and pray. In all honest, I let God have it. I told Him how unfair this was. I told Him how he couldn’t let this happen and how this was torture to everyone involved. I started begging Him for relief. Just some kind of sign that let me know He was still in the situation fighting with Ky and with me. Comfort. A sign of comfort. Any comfort.
“Show me lilacs, Lord….wait why am I asking for lilacs? That makes no sense. Lilacs mean nothing to me so why am I asking God to show me lilacs?!…But show me lilacs. Show me and I will know you are with us.” A block later we passed by a building with a hedge blooming with little clumps of flowers breaking through the green leaves with bursts of brightest purple and magenta. They looked like lilacs, brighter and prettier than I’ve ever seen before. God was with us.
Less than an hour later Ky was so weak that she couldn’t even hold her head up. But God was with us.
We pulled up to the ministry site and I helped to carry Ky into their medical room. God was with us.
The medical team and I worked to get her stabilized and breathe some life back into her since she had started to decompensate. And God was with us.
By the end of that night Ky was smiling again. IV bag hanging next to her and a box of Cheerios in hand, she seemed like she was a completely different person than the girl I carried off the bus twenty minutes before hand. She is still recovering from that infection but the amazing medical staff here at Mission of Hope in Haiti have taken fantastic care of her.
Since being in Haiti I have seen the most beautiful flowers that I have ever layed eyes on in my life. It took me quite a while to work through the emotions that I felt on that travel day; the helplessness, the worry, the frustration. I had to rely on God to care for someone in ways that I’ve never had to before. I was scared and in a lot of ways I felt alone because I did not feel like there was anyone with me to shoulder the weight of Ky’s care, but God was with me. Now, every single time I see these lovely Haitian flowers, I am reminded that God is with me. He will not let me fail
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Also, shout out to Ky because that girl is easily one of the strongest people I know and her strength surprises me almost every single day here.
