I Quit
I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not talking about the travel or the people. I’m certainly not talking about the amazing humans from across this planet; with whom I’ve shared tables, fires, meal, and songs. I’m not referring to Jesus. My Savior and my Friend.
I’m referring to Nick Gold. Nick that has lived under the law and failed; Nick, who has burned out.
I’m talking about this perpetual missionary state that has been ingrained into me since I was little. I’m done, I quit, I’m out, I tap.
Please don’t read this the wrong way; I had amazing, God filled, beautiful men and women pour into my life when I was wandering. They co-authored and edited my story into the poem it is today. They helped make me who I am today. They sent me to a dozen countries in the past few years to live for at least a month to spread the ‘gospel’ but, somewhere along the way, it’s my opinion that the American Church lost the plot. We lost the point of the story. We became so success driven that we bought buildings and created programs, we hired people to play music and we got caught up in our own structure. We got away from the way Jesus built His Church. The way He loved His bride. We became so enamored with the “law” of the Bible. Never mind that Jesus said himself that He came to do away with the Law, to fulfill it through sacrificial love. Never mind when He said that we love because He first loved us. We jumped right into pride. “Love God and love others”. That’s what we are told growing up. And, the reality of that statement? It’s not completely wrong. A wise man that knew the Law well once said that very thing to Jesus. His response?
You are close to the kingdom. You are SO CLOSE.
Well, what was he missing? And what does this have to do with me quitting this way of life?
If I told you that you were born to be loved? (John 15:12 /1 John 4:19 / Romans 5:8/ 1 John 4:8). What would you say?
If I ventured so far as to say that if you are a believer reading this, that you are Christ with skin on (Genesis 1:27 / Galatians 2:20 / Colossians 1:27/ Matthew 22:39/ 2 Peter 1:3-4 / Psalm 139:13-15 / Ephesians 2:10 / Philippians 4:11-13). What would your response be? I mean, that is borderline blasphemy.
And what if I told you that the kingdom of God is here. The kingdom of God is people and families, it’s marriages and children. It’s men who will not go silent and it’s powerful women teaching and walking side by side with the Teacher. It’s the prodigal son coming home, it’s the single mom sacrificing for her children, it’s the Father getting the family back and setting the captives free. It’s not waiting and looking up at the clouds for us to die ad get to heaven, and it isn’t about surviving enough of life and hoping we get raptured. Matthew 4:17, Mark 1:15, Luke 4:43, 14 Matthew 6:10, 15 Matthew 7:21
The man that knew the Law was so close. He was just…off.
And regrettably, I’ve lived under the law, like that Pharisee for the majority of my life. I’ve chosen sin management instead of freedom. I’ve embraced that I am a sinner saved by grace, just waiting for the rapture; instead of the likeness of God here on earth. I’ve chosen to live out of my head, what my mind tells me. That I’m not good enough, that my heart is deceitful, that I will always be fighting to get out from under the weight of perfection. I’ve held myself to the standard of perfection and have come out a hypocrite.
Why do we do this as a people? Why do we run back to the Law that Jesus set us free from? In my opinion, and from what I can tell? The Law gives us the freedom to abdicate our responsibility to be loved, love ourselves, Love God, and love others. We don’t have to live an unreasonable and unsafe life when we let the law do what we were meant to do.
The mind says that there is a God that has created the universe with Hell to fill it, created us as imperfect and hung us over the fire and demanded that we let Him in, else we be burned in Hell we didn’t created. The mind says that he “loves us”, by demanding that we love Him or die.
I quit. I won’t spread that message.
“Get out of your head and into your heart”.
I will; however, preach this message: “We don’t have a high priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all-all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the grace”.
This Jesus guy lives in my heart and is all about transforming lives through sacrificial love. This God tells me that I am a reflection of Him and have been made an equal with Christ. He tells me that I was born to be loved and so are you. Regardless of who you are, what you believe, what you’ve done, or where you are. You are loved. Don’t let religion tell you otherwise. Religion is a set of rules designed to keep God from being mad at you, to keep God from hanging you over the fire. But Love: love draws us into a relationship and freedom with the Creator of the Universe that had you in His heart and mind’s eye when he dreamt creation.
So what am I doing out here? Why am I getting training in Spain? Why am I spending three months in Uganda? What is this about?
What gospel will I spread? What’s the good news? Let’s go back to a man that was spreading the good news BEFORE Jesus died. So this really can’t be about heaven and hell? No. It’s so much better.
John the Baptist said, “Change your life. God’s kingdom is here.”
I quit the life of a perpetual missionary, spreading religion. I choose the life of a servant leader. Transforming lives and flipping oppression on its head through unconditional and sacrificial love. I have decided to accept who I am. I am a violent, beautiful, and Godly man who will see the captives set free. I am a man of peace who is a friend of God. I’ll see the prodigals come home to a feast. I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me. I don’t need worldly possessions and excess…I’ve been promised the kingdom. I’m Christ with skin on. I’m Nicholas Christ. I’m Nicholas Gold. I’m an unreasonable man in a world that was chained by our reasoning.
