I think it all gets to us. At some point. Heartbreak will find it’s way around and knock you over and toss you like the sea tosses a wayward boat. I think there are many a reason that we find ourselves in the middle of heartbreak. I think we might put ourselves there at times, whether we know it or not. In our search for beauty and bliss and purpose and wholeness and healing that we will inevitably put ourselves in the position to be subject to a cracked heart. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. For example; yours truly is currently sitting about thirty feet away from my tent on a beach, overlooking the Pacific. Across the water, the indigo and the grey spill over the volcano like a comforter. To my left, the expanse between myself and home looks infinite, and yet in 38 short days I’ll be back across that water. To my right, the sun says it’s final farewell’s for the day, the light dances off the top of the clouds in a goodbye. And directly above me; behind the clouds, it would seem like a small fire is flickering some and spreading the last bit of warmth for the day. The water turns from bright blue to a steel blueish green for the night, crystal clear and effortless. Kids from the local village in which we are living are climbing all over me even as I type this. Two of my squadmates will sit out on the rockface off the shore watching tide and the sky dance, and to my left three more of the people that I have had the pleasure of living with are cracking a coconut with a machete and a rock. Me? I’m sitting here under a cool ocean breeze after a day of digging ditches and mixing concrete. A day in the life if you will.
It’s amazing. I’m the best I’ve ever been. Emotionally, spiritually, even physically to a degree. There is nothing like waking up and looking out across the pacific.
And you know what? My heart has been in pieces for a few months now. I feel like my heart has been removed from my chest and filled with saltwater. I feel like I’m shouldering the anchor of the titanic on my back and it sucks. For now. It hurts. Immeasurably so right now; even. But I’m reminded as I look out over the beauty before me, the creation that I get the privilege of being apart of, that as the water will recede, the clouds will clear; the season will change. I really am loving life, don’t get me wrong. But inevitably like the rest of the world, I’m walking through heartbreak. Not stuck in it, not sitting in it, but I’m walking. Maybe a little slowly in reality. But we’ll get there.
