As I sit here trying to process the past 10 days of training camp, a part of me is speechless about the out of your comfort zone, digging real real deep, physically demanding experiences I just encountered with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Before I applied for the World Race I would’ve considered myself a pretty vulnerable person. Being a hair stylist, I talk and listen to people all day long. Coming home after training camp I quickly realized I wasn’t 100% honest with myself. I would tell myself that I was pretty vulnerable but if someone triggered something in me that reminded me of a past hurt or pain, I would try to justify it and say to myself well we just don’t click so maybe I should just stay away from that kinda person, which I did. A part of that was a coping mechanism that I would use from past hurts and pain. Because who wants to relive painful moments?? I sure didn’t !
At training camp they had us address such issues of past hurt, pain and shame. Some of the days at camp were the hardest things I went through physically, emotionally and spiritually. The hardest thing to do is to love someone through the hurt. And we say things like some people are hard to love. When all along it’s our own broken hearts that need the healing. Jesus has been teaching me to love through it all despite what my feelings are. Because feelings can’t always be trusted. If only people knew how much Jesus really loved them and how badly he wants to have a relationship with you. The World would be a different place.
We all hunger for vulnerability but somewhere along the way we got hurt by someone and thought suppressing those feelings of wanting to let someone in was the best decision. But, of course doing that never feels right. Then we try to justify those feelings and make them our ultimate truth, but the truth is if we allowed ourselves to let down those walls we built to “protect” ourselves we’d all be living the lives God intended us to live. Free from shame, hurt and regret.
Those times where I pushed through the pain during camp, I got to see beautiful moments from the Lord. Like the time I didn’t think I’d make it another day at camp and felt a hand caressing my back(thank you Megan) letting me know it’s going to be ok, without even saying a single word. And the time I had to carry my big pack and day pack for exercise which was probably a total of 60 plus lbs, with the look of fear on my face(because I overpacked) and one of my teammates (Kirsten) switched her lighter pack with mine to literally take the load off of me. If I hadn’t allowed myself to be vulnerable in those moment, I would’ve missed those beautiful blessings from God. So, I encourage you to love through it all, the reward is so much greater than you’ll ever imagine!
John 15:12-13 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
