Being away from the comforts of familiarity has made some uncomfortable things rise up in me – from parasites to fears and lies. All have one thing in common: I was blind to them until someone else helped reveal it in me.
One thing I have been learning is that we truly need each other – not only in the sense that a child needs someone too feed and clothe them or the way we need someone to hire us for a job so we can have money or someone to help fix our car when it breaks down but we REALLY need people to help us become a better version of ourselves. We need people to help us when we are physically sick so we can heal better, we need people to give us feedback so we can become better, and we need people to rub us the wrong way so we can respond better.
But we will never be best – we will always be able to become better because of someone else and that should be humbling.
Something I have been learning is that we cannot become this better version of ourselves without vulnerability. One problem: I have recently discovered that I have a fear of dependence. Not because I want to be alone or independent but because I do not want to depend on others so much that I put them first instead of God. The reason I do not want this to happen is because I have done it before and it not only hurts me but the people around me. And because of this, I was unconsciously ashamed and putting up walls and defenses between myself and others on my team so I would be guaranteed to go to God first. But that is n7A Vulnerabot how we were created.
We were created to be dependent on one another in such a way that it refines us and not defines us.
So now I had a choice to make: to walk into a risk of vulnerability or simply stay put: to be vulnerable with the people around me, telling my story of how this fear of dependence came from being codependent on people and how scary it is for me to try and create new friendships with this new realization or cut off intimacy with my new team and friends and run this race alone in a sense.
Honestly, the second option is more appealing – “others do not have to know and I’ll be able to manage these relationships without becoming too dependent” “if I tell them, there is no way they will understand” and the most sneaky lie of them all: “God and I can just work through this together”.
However, being in this new environment around new people is what brought this fear to the surface so I knew God was telling me that these were the people I needed to admit it to. These were the people God was going to use help refine me and cast out the lies that are at the root of this fear. So I took the risk. And intimacy and connectedness was the result! We live in a culture where there is no brokeness which results in the most broken people because we do not allow ourselves to be put back together. Life is a healing process. We are born broken and God wants to put people in our lives that will help with that.
We cannot truly connect with people if we are not taking risks with them. These risks can come on many different forms – from asking people how their day was to asking someone if they want to eat lunch with you to opening up to friends and family.
Recently, my team and I went to a hostile on a lake for our off day and while most of the people we talked to were not believers – they were more willing to share their stories than many people I know back home. And they cannot even share about redemption. So why was I as a believer so scared to share a story that can only end in redemption because of Christ? Why are you?
The kids at the orphanage have taught me a lot about vulnerability too. They wake up every morning having no choice but to be vulnerable and depend on the people around them. They have to ask people to eat lunch with them, ask for things that make them happy and ask for help when struggling physically or emotionally. Because they cannot do it on their own and neither can we. The kids are vulnerable and they are full of love, compassion, connectedness, and joy. The people that isolate themselves are often full of jealousy, comparison, and longing. I think the kids got it right on this one.
Vulnerability begets vulnerability. I know I am not alone on my walk because after telling my story, others on my team admitted they have similar struggles and now we are able to walk through it together – keeping one another accountable to keep God first!
A challenge for all of us is to find at least one person to be vulnerable with this week. Take a risk by asking someone to eat with you, ask the people you have disengaged with how their day was, tell a trusted friend something you are struggling with. Open the door to become connected to people again and not just on Facebook or through a text. If you can’t give them a hug after, you’re not physically close enough.
Please share your thoughts on this with me! Tell others ways they can be vulnerable or ways you have been by commenting below! We need to create a culture and a Body that is connected and we can’t be connected by being a false version of ourselves.
Book Recomendations: Scary Close by Donald Miller – Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
