Most of you have heard now that I left this past Saturday and will be joining the World Race America team for the full 11 months. First, I want to say thank you to everyone for your support in this. I was blown away by the positive response to the news. Thank you for encouraging me. I want to take the time to explain what happened and what the Lord is doing with my decision. I want to share this radical obedience the Lord called me into. So here goes…
Right after I came home from the race in August, I saw a post online about the World Race America. I thought it was a cool idea, but when I looked at the post over 30 people had said they were interested in doing it and I assumed that the team was only going to be 12 people. I told myself that I wasn’t good enough, didn’t have enough of _____ to be picked. I had mentioned it to my friends but ultimately blew off the idea and never responded to the post out of fear of rejection. I prayed and asked God what my next steps were after arriving home and He said to rest. I was to rest until it was time for Project Search Light. (PSL) PSL was like a final debriefing of our year at Adventures’ headquarters in Georgia. The Lord told me it would be there that I find direction and clarity.
In September, I followed the Lord and went to PSL in Georgia looking for what I was supposed to do next. While there the Lord brought back to my mind WR America. I talked to someone and emailed the person in charge to see if we could set up a meeting. She was out of the country at the time, so I kept looking. Eventually I felt the Lord calling me to apply for a leadership training program called CGA. CGA takes place at Adventures’ headquarters.
I applied and got accepted for this program and started to fundraise for this new journey. Then one day I get an email setting up a phone call to talk about WR America. When she calls, I apologize… telling her I have already been accepted in to CGA. She said, “Okay, but what about after?” I didn’t know there could be an after. I knew, then, that I would end up joining the team.
I was so excited! The plan was to go to CGA and after join up with the team and finish out the rest of the route with them. That was supposed to be the plan, but soon that changed.
The WR America team was meeting for training right before CGA started. Training that was happening in Georgia so I decided to leave a few days early for CGA in order to join this team at training and get to meet them before they left. I packed up my car with all the things I would need to live in Georgia for the five month CGA program.
Days before I was getting ready to leave and drive halfway across the country, I have a flat tire. I go to get it checked out, only to find out I actually need three brand new tires. I had no way to pay for these tires. I barely had enough to get me to Georgia. I sat down and opened up my bible and began to pray. I was so overwhelmed and didn’t know how this was going to all work itself out. Moments before I had been sharing with a worker at the tire place about the mission trip I had just finished and what I was going to go do now. That employee decided to buy and donate all 3 tires for me. I was so floored. His generosity was absolutely amazing and I’m so thankful for him.
I leave on Tuesday morning and head for Memphis Tennessee, where I will be stopping for the night before finishing my drive to Gainesville. I had a very unsettled feeling and a reservation about something (though I didn’t know what) as I left home. I had arranged to stay with an alumni and got to meet her and her incredible kids. I stayed with them for the night and woke up to finish my journey the next day.
I drove to the Atlanta airport and picked up 3 of my teammates who needed a ride to Gainesville. We somehow squeezed all our stuff into my tiny car and off we went. We arrived at Gainesville and that feeling of being unsettled returned. I mentioned something about it being weird because I was staying behind and the team was leaving and someone said “You don’t have to.” Until that point the idea of leaving hadn’t crossed my mind. I thought about it but knew I was committed to CGA and truly felt like it was where I was supposed to be. I figured I was just experiencing bad FOMO (fear of missing out) considering all these people were about to leave and I was staying behind.
By noon the next day (Thursday), the unsettled feeling was so strong that I asked to leave a training session and went to seek the Lord and His direction. Was I supposed to stay and do CGA or was I supposed to go?
I left and went to the Waffle House and just prayed. The Lord brought me to Ezekiel 40:4 which says:
He said to me, “Son of man, watch and listen. Pay close attention to everything I show you. You have been brought here so I can show you many things. Then you will return to the people of Israel and tell them everything you have seen.”
I read that and thought…“Okay. Good. That’s obviously CGA. Stay in Georgia. Learn through the program. Sweet. I got my answer. I don’t have to stress. I can keep my job I have already lined up for myself. I don’t have to figure out how logistically things will work. I’m good.”
I returned to training and let them know that I would be staying for CGA. I thought I felt peace about it, but every time someone would say something about the team, that feeling would return. I tried to ignore it.
Friday rolls around and we are in a training session when it hits me. We were in a meeting about church planting and I hear the thing the Lord wanted to teach me. The Lord wanted me to know that everything I needed to go and do this life, He already gave me.
You see, I desire to one day do long term missions. I thought I was unqualified for that even though I don’t necessarily know that to be true. I figure if I went to CGA and did this leadership training, then on paper I would look better and be able to earn the right to apply for something like that. I’m still trying to prove that I’m worthy of being a disciple.
The Lord spoke to me in that training session and told me that He already gave me all that I need. That He would teach me leadership but in a way that was just as unique as I am. That he would teach me leadership out on the World Race America.
I immediately went and found leadership and told them what I was going to do. I joined WR America and dropped out of CGA. CGA was absolutely wonderful and completely understanding and supportive of me in this decision. I am so thankful for that.
I sat there at dinner after making the decision and my team asked me questions that I hadn’t really taken into account yet. Questions like… What are you going to do with your car?
Oh ya…. I had driven my car halfway across the country loaded down with all my stuff and it was now in Georgia. How in the world was I going to get it home? Could I get it home? What options did I have? What about money? I barely had enough to get me to Georgia. How was I going to be able to travel for this next year with hardly any personal money? The bus leaves in the morning, what did I just do?
All of the sudden I started to doubt the decision I had made. It would be so much easier to stay. I have a car. I have too much stuff. I have a job. I have fundraising paintings I have agreed to do. What did I just do? Needless to say I was experiencing a bit of anxiety.
As the final night of worship began I sat in the corner of the worship space and cried. I was so overwhelmed. I was filled with doubt and worry. As I prayed I decided to reach out to the alumni group on facebook and see if by chance anyone might be willing to keep my car for 11 months. I made a post asking, knowing it was a long shot, closed my phone, set it down, and walked away from it.
As I worshiped I decided to try and fully surrender. I tell God that if its radical obedience He wants, then that is what I will do. I will trust Him to work out what seems impossible and figure it out.
I look at my phone after worship and someone has answered my post. He agreed to take my car. I was floored. It seemed like such a crazy thing to me but the Lord used it to bless someone else.
The car that someone donated tires to get me here, that helped me pick up teammates from the airport, was now going to help an alumni who was in need of a car to get to work. It was perfect.
That night I sat in the floor of a gym (where we were staying) and went through everything I had brought with me to Georgia. I packed what I had in a duffle bag and everything else went back into the trunk of the car. The next morning I drove to Adventures’ headquarters, left my keys at the desk for him to pick up, and hopped in the van. We drove to Asheville, North Carolina where we have been staying at a local homeless shelter.
I wish I could say I have been 100 percent certain I made the right decision since leaving, but that would be a lie. I have wrestled with it since being here. I have questioned almost everything…. Is staying at a homeless shelter wrong? Should we not be doing this? Am I hurting instead of helping? Was I supposed to come here? I sat yesterday in a coffee shop and wrestled these thoughts with the Lord and this is where I ended up.
I looked at the lives of the disciples. They did things people were opposed to. They said things people didn’t agree with. They lived a life of radical obedience. I have to think that their inner monologue ended up with them asking some of the same questions… Do I truly believe in what I’m doing? Is this worth it?
Ultimately, I ended that quiet time with an understanding that though it may seem radical, it is the obedience the Lord is asking me to walk into. Even though it may not be popular opinion, I know what the Lord has told me to do. I will do whatever He tells me to do. (John 2:5)
Since coming to this decision the Lord has used others to affirm it. I have no doubt that we are where the Lord wants us to be. I have no doubt that the shelter is grateful for our presence because they have expressed that to us. I have no doubt the Lord is using this time to impact lives because people have shared that with us.
I know this post was long but I just wanted to explain why I made the decision I made and that the Lord is honoring that faithfulness. I thank you guys for the continued support and I will update more soon about what we are doing out here. I will do my best to share about ministry while still honoring those I am here to serve. Please be patient with me while I learn what that looks like. Love you guys! Please be praying for my team as we continue to get to know one another and pray for my funding. If you feel led please click the link at the top of the page and donate. I’d truly appreciate it. Until next time….
