The time is finally here. After almost 3 years of praying, 8 months since acceptance, and 5 weeks since training camp the time has come. Today I left for Guatemala after being in Atlanta for the last few days finishing up training. Today, I am feeling excited, exhausted, overwhelmed, peaceful, undeserving, worthy, joyful, sad, rejuvenated, alone, and loved. I am feeling every single emotion, at any given moment. They change so quickly. So let me go to the experiences I’ve had since arriving in Atlanta to shed some light on why I am feeling all the things.
I arrived in Atlanta on Friday afternoon to go to the Beauty for Ashes Coordinator training, since that is my leadership role for my squad. Beauty for Ashes has a vision to see restored women of all nations serving as Christ’s ambassadors for change, healing, and freedom in their homes, communities, and cultures. It is women’s ministry for all ages. From the youngest girl to the oldest woman, all are invited to participate. We break the language barriers through drawings. I cannot tell you how excited I am about this ministry and what it does for women of all ages all over the world. There is something so very special about a woman’s story. I get the opportunity to give women a space to share their stories, sometimes for the very first time. To help them see how worthy, beautiful, and loved they are is a gift that I get to be a part of, and that is so freaking cool!
The problem is, how can I give away something that I don’t have? How do I tell women how loved they are when I don’t believe it for myself? The other night we had an opportunity to be prayed over for what the Lord was telling us we needing healing from. I chose this. My identity. I want to believe it so badly because I believe it for others. That night after the prayer, I felt at peace with myself. That though I may not be perfect, God still loves me. I don’t have to go on The World Race to earn that love, but I get to go on it because He loves me enough to want to share this with me.
I may not be perfectly sound in my identity in Christ but I do trust Him enough to want to start taking the steps necessary to embrace that identity. That is why I say I’m feeling undeserving and worthy at the same time. That’s why I’m overwhelmed and peaceful. There is a great responsibility to make sure that this ministry is the best it can possibly be because these women deserve that! So, we had extra training to make sure that we understood the principles and had the tools that we needed.
The training was wonderful and hard at the same time. We had to go over topics such as how we view God, where in our lives we needed healing, and how we viewed our worth. We had to share our own answers for these questions, and then learn how to teach other women to do the same thing. We had to learn to find freedom for ourselves so that we can in turn show others how to do the same in their own lives. It was incredible and incredible exhausting. I came away from the training feeling secure in God’s choice of this for me.
Then today happens. We woke up and left for the airport at 3:45 a.m. We get to the airport and are in line to check our bags when we get told we cannot get on the flight without a return flight booked. That is kind of hard to do when we aren’t planning in coming back for 11 months. Luckily, we have a layover in January in Ft. Lauderdale that allowed us to make the flight on time. I landed in Guatemala City with my team around 11:00 and head to get our luggage. One of my squadmates bag didn’t make it. To make it even more confusing, they put the wrong name on all of our bags, so it took us a minute to figure out. Once they talked to the TSA person, we head through customs and out to find our van driver. You would think that all of these bumps would have rattled us, but everyone seemed to roll with the punches fairly well. I’ll tell you that I do not envy our logistics leaders, treasurers, or team leaders at all! While I got to walk through the airports and not worry about anything, they were constantly doing so much to make sure things would be as smooth as possible for us. They did such an amazing job handling the curve balls thrown at them on day 1! Because of our leaders, we walk out of the airport in Guatemala and our driver is waiting for us. Jorge drives us from Guatemala City into Antigua and stops to let us use an atm and I was able to snag this picture.
Then we arrive at our hostile, which turns out to be one of the most amazing places I’ve ever stayed. The view is absolutely incredible and I cannot believe that I have the privilege of living here for the next month! In the morning, we find out more info about Antigua and what our ministry will look like this month. I will update again later once I know more! I literally cannot believe that I get to live this life! I’m so ready to see what God has in store for us here in Guatemala!!! Also, I got to see the lava flow of the volcano from the balcony of our host home. This life God has given me is so cool!
