So, I am officially home from training camp!!! I cannot wait to tell you all about what happened and how God showed up in it all, but there is something I must do first. You see, the most impactful moment of training camp for me was actually the moment when we left camp. It was the moment when I met Jan that I truly began to see what my life might look like this next year. Let me explain.
I believe it was around day eight, we were learning how to hear the voice of God. How we are allowed to ask Him to speak to us and give us guidance in everyday life. It may seem silly but this was mind-blowing for me. I guess I never truly understood that I could hear from God all the time. I always thought it was saved for special revelations or when I had wandered too far off. To think I could just speak with Him like that daily was a new concept to me. We practiced it in the morning, asking for simple words of encouragement for our teammates. I felt absolutely out of my element. It was just another one of the many things that I still had unbelief about. I felt so foolish even trying. So, you can imagine how thrilled I was when they told us to go out into the community and ask for God to tell us what we needed to do.
We, as a squad, load up in our vehicles and head out to Claremont. (A small town a few miles away from camp.) We pull into a parking lot and break up into our teams. Our team then gets together and prays for direction. We just say whatever it is that comes to mind; colors or a word or a picture. As crazy as it may seem, we all participate. Though many things were said, these are the ones I want to focus on. My teammate, Ally, said she saw red, and immediately after she saw a barn. I saw a left arrow.
This is where God showed up to help me with my unbelief, because as we start walking out of the parking lot, directly in front of us is a road sign that has a left facing arrow on it. We see it as a good sign and take the left. It takes us maybe 20 feet down that path before the fields open up and we see it. A shed in the back of someone’s property that looks like a red barn.
I was totally floored. I had no clue what was going to happen next, but I did know that God wanted to show me that He will speak to me if I ask. That alone would have been enough for me, but God loves me far more than I deserve. He took this moment and showed me a glimpse into what the next year of my life could be with Him.
Rebecca, Ally, and I start walking down the driveway towards the house. We speak briefly about what we are going to say, and then we knock. It was right when we were turning around, thinking that no one was home, that the door opened, and there stood Jan. We told her that we were with Adventures in Missions and felt like God had led us to her house and we were wondering if there was anything she might need prayer for. She paused for a moment, and then said, “Yes, actually there is.” Jan told us about how her father is on dialysis and she had lost her husband two years ago. She is the sole caretaker for her father and just felt the weight of that. She invited us inside her home and we gathered around her to pray. Once we were finished praying for her, she offered us some bottled water, and, as we were hugging goodbye, something stopped me. I felt a strong desire to hear more about Jan and her life. I felt like that was why we were there. It was about more than prayer, so I asked if she had time to sit and talk with us for a moment. Though she had to go and prepare dinner for her father, she said she had time and we all grabbed a seat and settled in. The next 45 minutes became the most impactful experience of training camp for me; sitting in a living room in Claremont, Georgia, listening to Jan’s story.
Jan not only had lost her husband two years ago, but in December her mother also had passed away. The stories she told us of her mother tells me that she was a strong woman with a wonderful heart. You could tell how deeply she loved her mother, but that paled in comparison to the way she felt about her husband. Jan lit up as she spoke about the man she loved. She told us she knew what real love was because of him. She shared with us some of their pictures that she had hanging in her living room.
She, also, has two brothers but they do not help with taking care of her father, so she is doing it alone. Jan’s father is on dialysis and needs her care to still live independently, however she shared with us that he was also verbally abusive towards her. She shared how he was the same way with her mother. Jan poured out so much of her life and time to take care of a man who didn’t appreciate her for it. She expressed how much she needed a break, but that it was an impossibility in the foreseeable future. She said she knew God and believed in Him, but felt like He wasn’t hearing her lately. She felt so alone in her struggle and that there was no rest in site. The amazing thing about Jan was that she didn’t let that control her. She continuously cares for her father, no matter how he treats her, no matter how tired she felt. No matter how unloved and taken advantage of she felt. I am amazed by the strength this woman has.
We pray for Jan again as we are wrapping up our time with her, but we make sure and tell her that it is okay to take a break. It is okay to ask for help. I told her that I could see that she was the type of woman who would give until there was nothing left. That she was pouring out so much, that if she didn’t stop to re-fill herself she would have nothing left to give. Jan said that was exactly how she was feeling, until we showed up.
Jan said she knew that God sent us to her door that day, because He knew how much she needed it. That she felt so alone and tired but that we had given her so much by just spending time and talking with her. As I hug her and we leave to head back to meet up with our team, I tell her how much hearing her story has blessed me and that I am in awe of her strength. That I am so thankful for her willingness to share her story with us and let us into her life. She tears up as we hug and says that she will be praying for us as we go on our mission trip this next year and I am reminded of how wonderful God is.
I walk away from Jan’s house floored by what God had done. He showed me that ministry isn’t always about sharing the gospel. That it’s about being the body of Christ to those who feel forgotten. It wasn’t about telling Jan about Jesus, it was about showing her Jesus. I was gifted with the story of Jan, and to not share it would be doing her story an injustice. You see, Jan’s story matters. My story matters. Your story matters! God has given us each a testimony for a reason, and I am blessed with this wonderful new platform to share them on. I will continue to honor the stories I am privileged enough to hear over this next year by sharing them with as many people as I possibly can.
Training camp was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausting, but this moment made it all worthwhile. I will be forever thankful for the lessons I learned and the life I got to see because of a left arrow and a red barn. Thank you, Jan, for giving me the gift of your story! I am forever grateful!
