During my freshman year of college I had a dream. I walked out of some trees to the edge of a cliff. Beneath, a thick green jungle sprawled until the edge of land, where the bluest ocean I’d ever seen started. The sky was clear. As I took in the view, a small girl walked up and held my right hand. I looked down at her. A child with beautiful dark hair, tan skin, and big brown eyes smiled at me. Immediately, I felt love flood my heart for this girl. I loved her like a sister.
It was a simple dream, but it has stayed with me. When I woke up, I couldn’t shake the thought that it was Bolivia. Now, I knew nothing about Bolivia. Hadn’t been thinking about Bolivia. Now I see Holy Spirit setting things in motion. But then, all I saw was a rare, random dream. The dream is how God grew a heart for the world in me. I started to pursue missions, particularly to South America.
I found a month-long trip to Colombia. It wasn’t Bolivia, but was the first South American mission I could get my hands on, so I applied.
Then, the World Race happened. I traded a month in Colombia for 11 months in 11 countries. The Route I was initially planning to go on included Colombia as well as Ecuador and Peru, but no Bolivia.
But I didn’t go on that Route. I deferred until a year later. This time, my Route had four countries in South America. The fourth? B O L I V I A.
Now, in my final month of the World Race, I lived and served at Mision Adulam in El Alto, Bolivia. I lived on a mountain that looks down on the valley city of La Paz. I spent my days at Talita Cumi (which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise!” from Mark 5:41), a home where adolescent girls are rehabilitated for drug addiction.
The girls are only in their teens, so 6 years ago, they would’ve been just the right age for the little girl in my dream. They all have beautiful tan skin, dark hair, and melt-your-heart brown eyes.
From the beginning of the month, we planned to do a “Paint Night” with the girls. Like your typical “Wine & Canvas” night in the States, only minus the wine and canvas. We used kids paint and drawing paper, and I’d walk them through how to paint a picture. Leading up to the day however, I was stressed and frustrated. I couldn’t find the quality of resources I wanted. I couldn’t find time to plan. I felt defeated, and lost the joy I had initially had at the idea.
I’m so grateful God can use me, even when I have a bad attitude and downcast heart.
I laid out the materials and played my “Windows Down Worship” playlist softly in the background. I taught them how to paint a simple sunset with mountains and trees in front. Then, we added different identities of who God says we are (based on different Bible verses). Identities like loved, child of God, forgiven, and new creation.
Their creativity and talent amazed me, and as the night drew on, my fellow teammates and I felt our hearts filling. The room was saturated with the peace and love and Presence of God. Little did we know, my friend Brie was praying for that exact thing from our home.
The night went on, and we stayed long past our assigned ministry hours. We didn’t want to leave. I held back tears, how was I going to leave these 12, wonderful girls I had grown to love? These girls who had been through so much in their short lives? Who had opened their home and hearts and hugs to us? When we left a few days later, I held the girls close, and whispered truths into their ears.
You’re precious, you’re beautiful, you’re loved.
I cried, and my heart hurt.
It’s clear to me now that I was supposed to be in Bolivia, at this time, with these people. As excited as I am to go home, it also breaks my heart to leave these new friends I’ve made in these teenage girls. And the reason my heart breaks is because of the profound impact these girls had on me.
This is what following Jesus is about. It’s loving and hurting and choosing to hurt, because to love means to open yourself up to pain. It’s seeing him turn something you’re dreading into one of your favorite memories. It’s seeing Him use you in spite of your human-ness. It’s weeping as you pray your heart out for girls you didn’t know existed a month ago. It’s looking back and seeing His fingerprints over everything, even in something as small as a dream you had 6 years ago.
“I am a new creation”
“never alone”
