So one of my biggest fears became reality on day two of the race. I did not share this on my last blog post because I was still processing through my emotions and was not in the best place quite yet.
After an exhausting 40 plus hour travel journey from Atlanta, GA to Kosovo we were finally pulling up to the bus station at 3:30am to our final location. We arrived earlier than expected and I was half asleep. In a rush to get off before they left for another stop, I packed all my things…all my things except my pouch that held ALL of my medication. This pouch included everything from personal daily medicine all the way to Imodium, probiotics and malaria pills. I did not notice the absence of this pouch until hours later when we arrived at our guesthouse. Upon realization, I PANICKED. Every fearful thought ran through my mind in .7 seconds. “Oh no, this can’t be happening, I am never going to sleep one night on this race, I am going to have an awful immune system, I going to get malaria and I am going to suffer from diarrhea with no relief.” Absolute panic. My sweet teammates quickly offered prayer and concern, but in all honesty nothing calmed my fear and anxiety about being stripped from all the items in that pouch that gave me peace of mind. This heaviness carried over into the next day and every few minutes my mind would wonder upon my mistake and all the unknowns that the future held. The door was cracked open and the enemy was ready to bust it wide open with his lies.
Luckily, my mom talked me out of my anxiety and reassured me that our God is a God of provision and everything was going to be okay. I am really thankful that my life does not depend on the contents of my medicine pouch, instead they provided me with a sense of peace, comfort and protection. Before this conversation with my mom my soul and mind were in a battle. I knew that this could be an opportunity to have a greater dependence on the Lord, but in those moments I also felt like a three year old stomping her foot down and saying, “but no, God!”
Then, last night my teammate Kristi led us in a time of reflection. She wanted us to spend some time asking God how we view Him. It took me a little bit of time to get my mind clear, but once I did I was filled with an overwhelming joy and laughter. While reflecting I could see Jesus smile and say, “remember, I am your living water and daily bread.” (John 4:13-14; 6:26-27) Here you go again, Jesus!
Previous to this trip I was talking to my mentor about the book of John. I shared how these two passages of living water and daily bread stood out to me a lot, and that I realized I was not living a life where I embraced these characteristics of Jesus. I was not allowing Him to be everything I needed; therefore I wanted to make steps to get to that place. Now, fast forward to day one of World race where I find myself panicking at the loss of my medicine pouch; yeah, still not embracing that whole “living water” thing just yet. But that is changing.
I am so grateful for my friend Jesus who sits back and patently waits for me to come to him with all my troubles and concerns. And I am grateful that instead of waiting for me to take small steps in trusting him more, he pushed me off the ledge. I really feel like I am free falling, but it is fun because I know he is right beside me ready to pull the parachute when he chooses.
P.S. For all of those who love me, do not worry. I will be able to get everything that I need to be safe while on this race. Apparently malaria pills are available in Africa and possibly cheaper?
P.P. S. Also, feel free to pray with me for a miracle. We are trying to track down the pouch, but for various reasons it is a very difficult and complicated process. I have already accepted the fact that I may never see it again, but would joyfully accept the gift of its return as well!
