Recently I have learned a little more about myself and realized that I am super curious about a lot of things on a deeper level. I’m much like an annoying 6 year old who ask why this or what if that except I am 19 years old and a little bit more mature than a 6 year old with a little deeper insight on life. I’m always wanting to explore deeper and deeper into things, to always wonder what if something had been different then what would life be like. To some people they don’t really care and can except that life is just the way it is and that it is unimportant but to me it’s a big part of who I am. My goal is to explore so deep until I can’t go any deeper.
During our time in Thailand my team and I lived in a village, at first it wasn’t quite what I had envisioned it to be like however it was nothing short of incredible. While we taught most days, there were a couple days we had off for the new year celebration. During these days we still were able to go out and do ministry that wasn’t necessarily scheduled. At the beginning of the first month my team was introduced to a good old friend of our squad leader and employee of the hostel we were staying at. Tip was able to take some time out of her schedule to show us around Thailand a little. The first day of 2018 Tip took my team and I to her home village where she grew up. It looked like standing up riding in the back of a pick up truck while driving up mountains to a small hill tribe village. When we arrived I saw exactly what I had envisioned for our original home where we taught. This village was made out of bamboo huts and little homes, tiny snack shacks, and 3 churches. When we started to walk around the village to my eyes I had never really seen anything like it before. Now I have seen places of poverty but this wasn’t that. Yes they had very little but they were extremely rich in love, in community, in peace, in hospitality and to me it was one of the most authentic rich places that captured more beauty in raw community and that was the first time I truly saw that. I was introduced to real authentic community where everyone called each other brother or sister, everyone cared for each other as their own, there was no division by the outside secular world and people’s homes were always open warmed by a fire. Children ran around alone but that was okay because parents entrusted others in the village with their own, knowing they would be safe and cared for. The small amount of time we spent in the village was taken up by visiting her whole family which was a privilege, swimming in a waterfall and dancing for the Lord for hours.
While in this village I had one of my what if thoughts. “What if I had grown up living this way?”, this was the question that crossed my mind more than once. This question is one that leads to more questions and it’s one of those questions that I can’t quite figure out but wonder about often. My mind is wild, it’s filled with crazy thoughts, unanswered questions, imaginative thoughts and so much curiosity. This question leads me more to think if I had grown up this way, what would my life look like, what would my character be, what would my perspective be and how would I act as a person. Of course the answer would clearly be different than who I am now. I think, would I walk in more confidence or have more gratitude. Would I treasure family more or what would my faith look like. I can literally think about this for hours or days even but recently I have came to an honest conclusion and that is I will never truly know these things because I didn’t grow up that way.
It has been a couple of weeks since visiting that village and a couple of days since leaving Thailand. And I haven’t stopped thinking about this thought but now my perspective on this thought has changed a lot. Instead of continuing to ask questions that can’t or never will be able to be answered I have excepted that and the Lord is beginning to show me a new perspective. The truth I found in all of this is that I am Megan and I grew up in Pike County Georgia, I didn’t grow up in a village. And as drastically different my life would be if I had grown up living in a village I would still be me. Either way the Lord knew and created me with distinct plans knowing I would choose him. I’m learning now to stop thinking so deep into this fake reality that will never be for me. Now I except who I am and can understand that the Lords plan for my life was mapped out in the very beginning, with my intentions to follow him whole heartedly. My home life, unfortunate circumstances, things I couldn’t control growing up, community have all shaped me building my faith and strength. These were the building blocks to where I am now and without those I wouldn’t be standing here. However my community did not look like the village and as much as I would have liked it to, it didn’t. I believe that because I did grow up with more opportunity, greater resources and knowledge I am able to serve him differently by traveling the world sharing the gospel. Now this is no greater than a rice farmer in Thailand who does serve the Lord whole heartedly and does everything to love but this is my life. This is the plan, purpose and desire I have in my heart to serve the Lord in this way. My heart is to continue to focus on my life and purpose right now instead of wondering what it could have been. I want to strive for authenticity through vulnerability and trust; love deeper and be exactly who I am. I don’t want to stop at hard but to persevere and lead others to see how God can work by my testimony of faith and goodness in my life so far.
