When I think about support raising, all that I think of are reasons you shouldn’t support me.
When I first started fundraising I remember proudly listing off the countries on my route, freshly memorized. Most people listened and were excited or talked about how difficult it would be but there were the few that jokingly made a comment along the lines of:
“Wow, sounds like a vacation, why would I pay for you to travel around the world on vacation?”
Without missing a beat I would respond and share with them just a few of the things that I could be doing on the Race.
It went something like this:
“It’s actually not quite a vacation.. I’ll be living out of a backpack, sleeping in a sleeping bag, on a sleeping pad, staying in my tent, a church or hostels. We’ll be doing anything from digging wells, building churches, teaching English, leading worship, serving food, loving on orphans, and serving in whatever way possible.
I didn’t know, however, that their comment would be something I’d be fighting for the last three months.
The funny thing is, most of the people who said anything about vacation were people that love me and almost immediately supported me financially.
But with my first 3 months being in Eastern Europe (Albania, Romania, Bulgaria to be exact) I have had a lot of NICE accommodations. And with it being so nice here, honestly, sometimes I do feel like this is a vacation.
I’m $4,403 away from being fully funded which is due in just 29 short days. But when I think about asking for donations, I think about all the other things you could be spending your money on.. I wonder if there is a better candidate.
I’ve been living out of a pack, I’ve slept in my sleeping bag, on my sleeping pad, I’ve taught English, lead worship, served food, and been working hands and moving feet in whatever way of service that I can. But I haven’t brought water to anyone or build them shelter and I haven’t found my own shelter in my tent. I’ve had a roof over my head.
More times than not, I find myself caught in the comparison trap, feeling unworthy of this opportunity ahead of me. Sometimes I feel like my efforts don’t make a difference.
Sometimes I just don’t know how to feel about all of it.. I wonder if I could be more effective in America where there isn’t a language barrier.
In 2 days we hop on a train and then a plane to make our way to Malaysia where we will be working with a homeless shelter. After 3 months in Asia (Malaysia, Thailand, & Myanmar) we will be heading to Southern Africa for 3 more months (South Africa, Lesotho, & Namibia) before our final 2 months in the Caribbean (Haiti & the Dominican Republic).
This list of countries is so close.. but it also seems so far away from reality. More than $4,000 away.
So any time I think about the finances that account for the rest of my World Race, I’m flooded with all of these reasons why you shouldn’t support me.
But I do know that living a life of comparison is an unhealthy place to be. I have to close out other people’s expectations of what my life looks like as well as my own expectations of what this Race looks like.
I have to remind myself to look back and remember things I’ve been able to be a part of. Like gathering youth off the street into a new youth center. I’ve also helped replace flooring in a kindergarten, helped with occupational therapy, had theological talks and built relationships with Muslims, picked weeds, painted walls, handed out flyers, and been able to support local missionaries.
Every day something comes up to remind me that I’m surely not on vacation. And although, I can never be fully qualified for this gift of life I’ve been given, I know that God continues to teach me and qualify me for the journey up ahead. I know that my effort is being used both in the physical work I’m able to perform, as well as the emotional and spiritual support I can give. I know, just by looking in the eyes of the people I get to talk with that, even if they can’t understand every word I say, they are able to feel the love of Jesus in the way I can serve them.
I know that there is nothing Satan would rather do than talk me down and have me wallowing in doubt because I also KNOW that God has me here for a reason. I know that not only is He growing me, but He’s using me in a multitude of ways.
I know that the lies that ram through my brain like a freight train are indeed lies.
I also know that I need support.
If you aren’t at a place to give financially, please, please pray for me. Both for me to combat these lies and also for the finances to come in for me to continue on this adventure of service around the world.
With all my love,
M
