Our first few days of ministry here in Romania have consisted of going out and evangelizing. I’ve been going through the devotional The Art of Listening Prayer by Seth Barnes and my Saturday reading was titled “Following Through” and talked about obedience. Then, our squad mentor, Teresa, was teaching on personal growth and shared a quote from Theodore Roosevelt known as The Man in the Arena. Then we went out evangelizing.
We broke off into small groups and my teammate, Bethany, and I were walking around together.
We talked to one couple and as soon as we mentioned God, their English got worse and they didn’t have time to talk. So we shook the dust off and kept walking. We ended up sitting down for a soda at a restaurant and I shared with Bethany some insecurities of mine when it came to hearing from the Lord and boldly talking to people about Jesus. I also remembered the quote from the morning and started processing my initial reaction to the quote with Bethany.
In the quote, he says “if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.”
I’m going to get personal here so please take a moment to prepare yourself..
When hearing that phrase, I immediately got excited. Where did my mind go? Cameron.
If you haven’t known me for long, Cameron is my ex-husband.
I’m sorry to say there were only a few months of our marriage that I prayed for him- actually that I prayed period.
Those few months were some of the hardest months of my life.. but the most exciting.
Cameron had already been out of the house for 5 months and showed no interest in coming home, but the Lord reintroduced Himself to me at a women’s retreat and He reminded me that I was still Cameron’s wife.
So I prayed. And let me just tell you, I prayed hard. I prayed some seriously bold prayers and, in praying for Cameron, God taught me a lot about myself. He, very quickly, humbled me and reminded me of my sins but He also taught me about His grace and who I am in Him.
I just got so stinking excited! Excited for my freedom in Christ, excited to pour out myself and the love I received from the Lord.
If [s]he fails, at least [s]he fails while daring greatly..
I’d like to assure you that I did not fail. I put myself out there, followed God into awkward situations, and probably looked like a fool a time or two. But I tried to be obedient and in the end he was either going to come home or he wasn’t. If I give it my all and the divorce goes through.. the outcome is the same. If I give it my all and we stay together.. great it worked!
In processing all of this with Bethany, the Lord reminded of the excitement I felt towards daring greatly in my relationship with Cameron. So what if following the Lord made me look silly? It was worth it to me.
So, why wouldn’t I be just that excited when putting myself out there for the sake of the gospel? If I put myself out there to people and they think I’m stupid, they go on living their lives as is. If I put myself out there to people and they open up to hearing about what Jesus did for them, they get to step out into freedom!!!
Souls for the Kingdom! Not a life change but a change for their eternity! The stakes are much higher than if an earthly man returns to an earthly woman..
So Bethany and I got up from our table at the restaurant and continued our walk around the fortress here in Alba Iulia. We met a Norwegian man who we were excited to talk to about science, God, His goodness, and pray for him as well as a beautiful married couple who shared with us their new business selling a maternity picture frame on amazon and praying for the growth of their family.
Overall it was a wonderful day filled with growth, stretching, shifting my perspective and putting ourselves out there. 
Oh yeah.. I got my hair cut 🙂
**UPDATE: God taught me something..
I continued paralleling the past ease of loving Cameron with the current struggle of loving evangelism. I asked God why it had been so easy for me to love Cameron and why I didn’t have that much excitement when stepping out to evangelize.
Then it hit me..
It was not easy to love Cameron, not at first. Actually, at first it was hard to even ask God to teach me to love him because I didn’t want to.. but I knew it was something I was supposed to do, something God wanted me to do. So it was a continual surrender of laying down my pride, laying down my fear, and asking God daily (sometimes multiple times a day) to help me want to love Cameron. To teach me how to love Cameron. To teach me to see Cameron through His eyes. To change my perspective.
It did not get easy over night. It gradually got easier until I was actually excited to pray for Him. And even after God started shifting my perspective and growing my love, there were times that I was discouraged and wanted to throw it out the window. But I didn’t. I kept fighting, I kept pursuing God even if it felt like I had to start back at the beginning of asking Him to help me want to fight.
I can’t expect myself to just want to do anything. But I know that evangelizing is something I’m supposed to do, something God wants me to do. So it will take a continual surrender of laying down my pride, laying down my fear, and asking God daily (sometimes multiple times a day) to help me want to share the gospel. To teach me how to love evangelism. To teach me to see strangers through His eyes. To change my perspective.
It will not be easy over night. It may gradually get easier- maybe until I’m actually excited to evangelize. And even after God starts shifting my perspective and growing my love, it will be okay when there are times that I’m discouraged as long as I don’t throw it all out the window. As long as I keep fighting, keep pursuing God.. even if it feels like I have to start back at the beginning. **
Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!
Psalms 105:1 ESV
