James 3:17
“But the wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”
I was listening to a podcast from Andy Stanley about getting what you want, I listened to it because honestly the title intrigued me, How to Get What You Really Want. Immediately I thought of what I want in this moment- maybe a cup of Folgers dark roast coffee with almond joy creamer from International Delight, maybe to sleep in my bed, to be with my family, to be with people who fill my cup. Then I thought about what I want overall, things not necessarily that can be done right now, like love, connection with people, to be sure of my future, success and understanding, just to name some of my desires.
Before I listened to the podcast I knew what I wanted. After I listened to it I realized I don’t know what I value. You see, he goes on to explain that what we want is immediate, and normally our immediate wants that we go after are not what we ultimately want. For example, if in this moment I got that cup of coffee and time with my family it would mean I was no longer in Thailand, I would no longer be following the call on my life. That is not to say that my life would be over if I did get those things, but the current path I am on requires patience to get to the real goal- discipline. Your wants in this very moment, if you were to try to make them happen, may in fact hinder your chances of achieving what you value in life.
Naturally I then thought about the question -what do I value? Stanley explained he values the fruits of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He explained that when he passes away he doesn’t want to be remembered as someone who tried to climb the ladders of life in assertive ways that walked over people to get his immediate wants; rather he wanted to be remembered for being and treating people with the fruits of the spirit.
About a year or so ago, I wrote a piece on patience, and there is a part of the piece that seems to line up with my next thoughts:
“I became an instant gratification seeker. I thought I had moved away from it but after some time I’ve realized I get flustered when I must be patient. I can immediately begin doubting myself and assuming I am the reason I didn’t get what I wanted- when ultimately it is just time. A simple concept, yet so abstract when we place our limitations on it.
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The beautiful part of patience is that while you assume you’re waiting for one thing, something else can come along. You realize that there was something else you were waiting for, you just didn’t know. (ex.) You had no idea your passions would come while you pursued a degree in a different field. The beauty of time is how it changes us, we grow and thrive. Patience allows us to naturally find our place rather than rushing into an immediate fascination.”
Maybe it isn’t our fault. We have been trained to expect nothing less than the instantaneous, nothing less than getting everything we could need or want, now. This then causes us to think what we truly want from life should come in the same time period. We read in the bible about people waiting to have a baby, to be the father of a great nation, to be reunited with family, for good things that hold value; we somehow don’t assume the waiting game was for us, like it was lost in some translation. We have small groups encouraging people to wait on the Lord’s timing, but it seems like it isn’t sticking, we aren’t waiting. We are chasing, we are texting, calling, Facebooking, planning, saying things that should never be said to get immediate reactions to get someone’s attention, we rush time to get what we want from jobs, from situations, from people.
The question now is, what do I value?
I have desires the Lord placed on my heart- things I do want, I want them so badly I feel it from my soul to my toes. But I don’t want to define my life by the things I want to have. I want what I value to be things I can be. I have sat on this thought for a little while now- a couple weeks, and I can see what I value by what I admire in other people. First that tells me it is centered around how I am and others are relationally. So, what I value has nothing to do with the material world. Stanley asks a very good question, what do you want people to remember you for?
I used to value knowledge, but as I get older, knowledge is important, but not a defining trait I want to be remembered for. James 3:17 very clearly explains what the Lord desires for us to embody as we seek his wisdom. I do believe everyone should look to the fruits of the spirit, but something about the qualities outlined in this verse made me think “wow, I want to be remembered this way”.
Pure: I want my intentions, my heart, and every thought to be pure, to not be swayed by things of the world. That the world wouldn’t alter me, like the Wimmicks in Lucado’s book – You Are Special, the negative would continue to fall away and what is left is refined and pure.
Peace-loving: In every situation I will choose to connect over to correct, to be righteous over being right, I would love people by putting myself in their shoes to understand their viewpoint. That hopefully I can see and feel their humanness- and connect on an organic level, this would bring peace and understanding. I would prefer everyone.
Considerate: (adj.) Careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others [showing careful thought]. This definition covers it for me.
Submissive: Again, the phrase connect over correct comes to mind. I will be obedient to authority, I will be meek, and seek to understand rather than control.
Full of Mercy: Easy to forgive. I won’t count wrongs, rather in every situation that allows me to react to people, I will choose to have compassion- seeking the humanness.
Full of Good Fruit: I want to produce good fruit, whether that is through my friendships, leading others to Christ, giving off love contagiously, or simply by following and practicing the fruits of the spirit.
Impartial: Jesus showed no partiality. This one is the hardest for me to practice. I’ve realized I would rather not talk to someone who aggravates me instead of engaging, so I can check the box off that says I was a nice person today. I want to seek others out and engage, connect, love, and invest. I want so badly to love everyone, to not prefer certain people. I want to love the person who really frustrates me deeply as much as I love my closest friends. All I want is for God to help me care about other people, I seem to be not as good at this as I thought I was.
Sincere: (adj. free from pretense or deceit, proceeding from genuine feelings.) Could you imagine a world like this? Transparency with people and their feelings, where people put their heart into what they say and mean, where they are never ingenuine. How hard this seems, and how much harder it is when you are striving to prefer everyone, I don’t know how this one might be attainable- to sincerely love those you don’t want to prefer. It is a long road, but one I wish to travel.
These things take time. They take years, patience, and obedience. I want to be remembered for how I make people feel- and that is preferred. That when the thought of me comes to mind, before or after I pass away, these qualities- or similar ones, will come to mind. Many times, I will replace these goals with an immediate want, and I hope to do this less; I truly hope to do this less and less as I am further refined and disciplined.
It will be impossible for me to fully reach a life where I practice these things perfectly. I can never be perfect, I can’t promise every moment of my life I will genuinely want to do the kind, right, and loving thing. I get angry, I get flustered, I am impatient, my human desires cause me to fall. I also genuinely in my heart want to try, and I think that is all the Lord needs to transform your life and take you on this journey that gives you situations where you learn how to have these qualities. What I value is being pure in heart, peace seeking, being considerate, being submissive (to the right things), showing mercy, producing good fruit, being impartial, and being sincere with your life and actions.
