“Every inch of him told her he knew who he was and what he was about, even if she didn’t.”
I read this sentence in Redeeming Love and it stuck with me. How a man can have assurance of himself that speaks through his humility sends chills racing through me. I think this is because it is something I desire to have. I desire for my humility and meekness to reveal my internal strength from the Lord.
In our society, it is so difficult for a person to know who they are when we are constantly told who to be. We must be headstrong, sure of ourselves, physically fit, mentally sane, intelligent, and competent all while being kind, but not too kind because that is weak. We must have goals and aspirations that require us to be ruthless and relentless as we climb the social, political, and work force ladder.
Is there any rest? Any time to just be? How do you stop to evaluate your physical, mental, and spiritual state when we don’t have time to know if these “goals” pressed upon us are all things we innately want or desire? Can we have a moment to stop and ask, are the things we are told to be even good for us, or better yet, good for our soul?
“Every inch of him told her he knew who he was and what he was about”
Who was he?
Michael Hosea was a kind, tender hearted, patient, strong, meek, diligent, deep thinker, self-controlled, and competent man. But before any of these things he was a God-fearing man. He pursued the Father’s heart relentlessly. In every area of life, he sought the counsel of the Lord. He lived a simple life, but he was anything but simple. This character was created to reflect the character of the Lord- which we as humans will never be able to obtain.
“even if she didn’t.”
Angel didn’t live in the spiritual depth that Michael Hosea lived in. She lived by earthly standards and pursued what the world told her she was. This meant her eyes sought after earthly pleasures and finer things, external wealth and freedom. In the book, it says about Angel: “She envied his peace and self-control”.
“She envied his peace and self-control.”
Is it so that the world has placed so much value in the external achievements, titles, and possessions that now those who look in on the life of a Christian currently cannot understand the simplicity of peace and self-control? When we pursue the Father’s heart, do we become an enigma to the secular world when we live tenderly and gently? When every action has a motive and every word has been premeditated, are we suddenly, a rare gem?
“What do people think of me?”
I ask myself this whenever I am reflecting on my character and my life. How does the world see my words and actions? How is my life glorifying the Father? Do I live in a simple way that leads to wisdom or do I live in a lavish way with my words, desires, and actions, that lead only to give earthly reward and satisfaction?
“Describe me in three words”
I asked my team and some leaders to do this for me as I prepared to write my blog this week, about Myers-Briggs and relative personalities. I received very humbling answers that affirmed I was following the Lord and pursing who we had called me to be. But then, after I received these answers and I thought about writing about personality types and becoming who the Lord has called us to be, my mind flooded with questions much like the following:
Are you limiting the potential I gave you by putting yourself in a box and calling it self-awareness?
Are you allowing yourself freedom to be what you can never imagine by describing yourself in four categories?
Do you need a test to tell you who you are and what to be when I can transform you into anything I desire?
Then I heard instructions:
Go back to the basics.
If I am going back to the basics I am returning to a journal entry I had a couple of weeks ago. I had been questioning my life, my choices, my desires, and my motives. He had answered me in many ways, yet he gave me one command.
October 23, 2017
(the last line of my entry)
You must do nothing but wait.
While I wait I am stripped down, naked, and exposed, my thoughts are constantly redirected onto a path that is lined with humility and simplicity.
In Redeeming Love, Michael tells Angel “There’s more than sex between us.” At this point she does not understand what he means, and the more I think about it, maybe I don’t fully understand this some days. Not regarding physical intimacy, but meaning maybe I don’t understand what something can fully be on a deeper level. Sometimes I am completely distracted by the physical world and what could tangibly be rather than focusing on the existential crisis that is my soul. Sometimes I can’t comprehend the importance of the spiritual and emotional world and I set my standards primarily on earthly markers of success.
So, I must do nothing but wait. Wait, and then the Lord’s plan will prevail, I can say this with assurance because my plan was never going to prevail. I must do nothing- nothing means I continue to stay steadfast in my walk with the Lord; praying for and pursuing the qualities I admire and hope to cultivate in my heart. I must also add to my list simplicity- there is nothing more beautiful or harder than laying down what you presume to be the way to live, to take up a life humbly lived. I think simple living means taking away confusing factors that influence your choices and your spirit. Giving up these extras that temporarily fill my heart will leave some open gaps; but living with genuine intention to pursue God, he will then have the space to fill the gaps, and make me whole. God is not confusing, he will only guide me where he leads, if choose to buy in, and if I say, “I do”.
