(Disclaimer: The title comes from Jon Foreman’s song Mercy’s War)
We all make plans, and most importantly, we make plans that benefit our hopes and dreams (our desires). My plans looked a little something like this, I would go to Western Piedmont Community College for one year and then prepare to transfer to Georgetown University in D.C. It seemed foolproof, that I would do well in my classes, get stellar recommendations, take good internships, and be on the Hill-Top the following year. I thought I had my life figured out, and I had planned every step until I had reached my current goal- obtaining my Master’s in International Relations. Seems easy enough.
I guess throughout my life I have constantly neglected the call. When I was in fourth grade I went to Honduras to serve by building houses, giving away my childhood stuffed animals, and loving on the kids in the communities. When I went into middle school I started attending Mission-Fuge annually- this is a summer camp located in numerous Baptist colleges around the US, that focuses on missions and developing serving and leadership skills among students. The summer before my senior year of high school my youth group went on a mission trip to Illinois where we would serve in communities and churches. Then, after I graduated I traveled to Uganda to serve with a medical team where we treated over 1600 patients in a week.
I have grown up in a relational and service-oriented home, where I have been molded into a person who enjoys seeking after Christ and loving His people however I can. My entire childhood until now has been pursuit focused, whether that is the pursuit to seek and love the lost, the pursuit to find my identity, or the pursuit of knowing the Father. My path has been guided, and I have succumbed to thinking the answer to my life was a timeline, by 18 I will go to college, by 23 get married and have my Master’s, by 25 have kids, etc. I was chasing the desires that would benefit myself. Yes, I want to study and work in international relations, but is that really serving others or is that a title to frame on my wall and fill my bank account? I have learned my path has been guided, but in a different direction than I perceived.
One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2016 was for each month, I would get to know one new person, I would search for someone I did not know and learn about them and their life. Honestly, I did not reach the goal I had intended. I would always meet a new person each month, but I did not always have those intentional conversations. About halfway through I got lost in thinking, “but when will someone get to know me?”. My “woe is me” attitude quickly diminished the purpose of my resolution. But, it clarified to me I was still spiritually immature, I had not learned how to fully rely on the Father to sustain me when I felt lonely.
I have explained all of this to say, while I was busy making my own plans, God has been stringing together another story. One that had been there all along, I was so caught up in my own hopes and dreams I got lost, when the answer was evident. I was watching a sermon by Levi Lusko called “Grace! Grace!” and in the message, he talked about how we can be carefully tip-toeing through bird poop on a cement path (metaphorically speaking) while God has provided a green patch parallel to the poopy one that we miss because we are so focused on getting to our destination and how we think it should be done. Up until now I dreamed of the perfect life, one that looked pretty and polished on the outside, and I believed I would be happy once I achieved it. Now I see my flaw, because it has never been about me, it is about what I can do for the Kingdom of God, and how I can give what I have already been given. I was not put here on earth to get more from it, but to give to it and to share the message of Jesus Christ being our Lord and savior.
While I have been lost in my daydream, God has been preparing me for battle, he has prepared me to take up my sword and to stand for His name. Missions have been my battleground and I believe it is still today the calling I must chase after. This path is not easy, it will not be a green patch parallel to my current dreams, but with God it is attainable and the journey is great. I meditate on the idea of helping only myself versus changing the future generations of orphans and families among the nations, and in that time, I hear the hope and assurance of Christ preparing my heart to do His will.
Acts 20:24
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” (NIV)
I am ready to pick up my sword.
