“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” -Matthew 28:19-20
This is the verse that sends us out into the world. Everyone who has ever called themselves a follower of Jesus or a disciple of Jesus [hopefully] goes out into whatever part of the world they are in and carries out the Great Commission. From the time we are old enough to understand what this verse means, we are taught that you don’t have to go across the world to make disciples, that you can do it in your own backyard. I followed this teaching up until I heard God tell me to instead go and make disciples on different continents, to be away from my family and friends for nine months. To follow Him faithfully into the unknown.
The hardest decision of my life was driven by the chance of adventure, the chance to see things I had never seen before, the desire to follow God’s commands for my life, and ultimately the chance to change lives for Christ. This, I believed, is why I was called to leave. So I fundraised, I tented for ten days in the summer heat of Georgia (which was miserable, let me tell ya), and then I left everything I had ever known. I left expecting to have the most difficult year I had ever experienced, yet I had no idea that it would be difficult in a way that no one could have ever prepared me for.
The difficulties I have experienced have come from many issues that I never thought I would encounter going on this journey. I’ve had to try to find purpose in seemingly futile and fruitless ministries, even though it seemed as if we could be making an impact in so many other ways. I’ve had to learn to live in a state of stillness and rest that encompasses most of my day, despite the fact that we in no way do enough work to deserve or need that stillness and rest. I’ve observed things about the organization for which I work that have changed my opinions about them and the work that we do for them. All of these things I’ve experienced and worked through have made my time away from home difficult, and ultimately caused me to question why God sent me on this journey.
I am now on the third month of the race, and I can see how much this experience has already taught me.
I’ve learned how to live in community, how to choose into people and circumstances I’m put with and in.
I’ve learned to complain less, to be more content with where I’m at.
I’ve learned what its like to be uncomfortable almost 24/7, in literally every aspect of my current lifestyle.
I’ve learned how to successfully shower with a bucket, shower in the dark, and shower when I’m surrounded by spiders of every shape and size.
I’ve learned how to share food (that was a hard one).
I’ve learned that maybe not every ministry is life changing or even helpful in the moment.
I’ve seen what trauma and death look like, and learned how God can shine His unending beauty over the darkest of situations.
I’ve learned that no matter what, God ultimately calls us to love others as He loves us.
And I’ve learned that I may not have been called to the race to change lives.
Maybe God called me to the World Race so that He could change me.
After all I have done, all I haven’t done, all I’ve seen, and all I’ve learned over these last three months, it makes complete sense to me that this is why I’m here. God wanted me to change for the better, and the only way for Him to do that was to bring me across the world, away from everything that made me comfortable, so I could see who I really am in Him.I know this because I can tell that I’ve already changed. I’m not the same person that I was when I left America three months ago. I can’t say specifically how I’ve changed, but I know in my heart that I’m different.
At launch we were required to write a letter to our future selves to read when we got homesick. After we wrote them we gave them to a friend on our squad so they could keep them and give it to us at the right time. My world race best friend Ally and I switched letters and held onto each others until last week. We weren’t homesick, and knowing that we probably never would be we decided to read them. I discovered the person that wrote that letter to me is no longer who I am. I can tell just by reading the words of my past self that I am no longer that person, and that is truly amazing. God is showing me His promise for this trip not at the beginning or the end, but right in the middle, and right when I needed Him to the most.
I know this doesn’t explain much. It doesn’t explain how I’ve changed or what I’ve been doing, why I haven’t posted a blog in months, or why I’ve suddenly decided to post this one. To be completely honest, I don’t really know the answers to those questions, but heres what I do know:
I know that I was supposed to come on the World Race Gap Year with M-Squad.
I know that, for whatever reason, I was supposed to experience the things I have so far experienced, even if I don’t fully understand why.
I know that, even if I can’t see how or where, I have impacted the Kingdom in some way over these past three months.
I know that, through constant prayer and consideration, God is slowly showing me His purpose for me on this journey.
I know that it is because of God’s provision through you, my supporters, that I have been able to get this far.
And I know that it will be because of God’s continued provision that I will get as far as I’m meant to go on this journey.
So thank you for continuing to support me, financially or through prayer, despite the fact that I’ve been the worst blogger ever. I am not yet fully funded, but I am not worried because I know that God will provide.
Thanks for reading, and please feel free to share!
