Intimacy. Community. Relationship. Vulnerability. Growth.
All things that’s are so immeasurably good and sweet and fruitful.
All things that need to be consciously chosen.
All things that can be hard and scary and ignored.
All things that I want to be walking into more with my Father.
While we were in Peru, I came to the realization of just how much I miss home. I love my people at home so much and miss them like it’s nobody’s business! They fill me up, know me, choose me; and they have chosen me when I have been in hard places over the years. With this realization came another, that if I have the choice, I will always choose my people at home over the people I am with here; it’s easier to talk to people at home, they understand and know more about my story and life and heart, they are my place of safety and comfort.
While I was talking to my squad leader, she asked me why I would always choose others over the women I’m with now, and that if I continue to choose my people at home, then I’m going to choose home, and then I’m going to be home, and I do not want that. I’m not ready to go home yet, I still have things I want to learn and walk into with Abba.
After that, I started to consider what Abba has been asking of me since Colombia, to take a month to be completely present where I am, and I felt like he was telling me to do that in Indonesia. This means no social medias, no texting people from home, no facetime, no replying to emails, nada. I tried to say I only needed to do that with my friends, but I know that Abba was and is asking me for more. He wants me to be completely his this month, which means I had to tell my parents I wasn’t going to talk to them either. Because like I said before, if I have the choice to choose my people at home, I will always choose them first, and my parents are at the top of that list.
Intimacy. Community. Relationship. Vulnerability. Growth.
All things that Abba wants for me and my team of radiant daughters.
All things that Abba wants for me and him.
All things that Abba is wanting to show me are good.
All things that I want for me and my team of radiant daughters.
All things that I want for me and Abba.
So here I am, spending this month sleeping in a tent, community living with some of my favorite ladies for our last month together before team changes (whoof ya’ll); not talking to people from home so that I can choose the people here who are begging me to choose them, growing with the people here, and choosing and growing with Abba, here.
This week we talked with people about the story of Esther. About how she was created to save her people from Haman’s hatred and evil plans for the Jews. She fasted and prayed for 3 days before she went to the King, but she was not alone; her community and her people were fasting and praying with her. She didn’t ignore the women with her in the palace and just ask people at home to fast, she needed the women around her in the kingdom to fast with her. In the end Esther saves all the Jews in the land, she saves her people because she and her community were bound together in unity and held fast to the Lord. I can’t help but wonder, if Esther didn’t have her people praying and fasting alongside her, would the King have pardoned her still, or would he have killed her? The story talks about community, and shows how Abba consciously places us with specific people for a reason, there is a purpose, and we have to trust him in that.
I know that right now I have an opportunity to press into the people Abba has placed around me, I get to choose yes to them and Abba, right here and now. It’s been tough not to pick up my phone when we have wifi to shoot my loved ones a quick thinking of you message; but I know that I need to make that sacrifice to grow with Abba, because he asked me to. He asked me to take this step and choose him and the people here with me this month, and I want to answer all of his calls to me, even the ones that aren’t necessarily my first choice. And I can rest easy, because I know that Abba is doing things in the people I love at home and I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Most importantly, I’ve begun to realize that my ultimate place of safety and comfort is with Abba, not the people I have here. He has been here waiting for me, asking me to walk into sweet things with him, and now it’s up to me to choose to believe and know that he wants me here with him, that he has a purpose here for me.
Intimacy. Community. Relationship. Vulnerability. Growth.
All things that’s are so immeasurably good and sweet and fruitful.
All things that can be hard and scary and ignored.
All things that Abba is showing me are actually gifts.
All things that I’m beginning to enter into with Abba, because I am answering what he is asking me to do.
All good things.
“Go gather all of the Jews to be found is Susa, and hold fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.” Esther 4:16
“and when the king saw Queen Esther standing in the court, she won favor in his sight, and he held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand… What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given you, even to the half of my kingdom.” Esther 5:2-3
