Y-E-S!!
You read that right… I’m leaving AGAIN in January [this time 5 countries in 5 months] to squad lead for S-SQUAD!!! I couldn’t be more full and at peace knowing this is what’s next for me.
It’s absolutely crayyy to think that one month from today [which also happens to be my brother Eric’s birthday], I’ll be boarding a flight to Colombia with my co-leaders, mentor, and squad!
But, let me tell you how in the world I even got here in the first place!
Relatively soon into the journey of The World Race, [like a couple months in] you start to get into a routine. You basically know what’s coming next each month, think big picture, although the details are very different. The “newness” of being out on the field wears off a little and at some point, you start thinking, “okay I’ve got this down, so what comes next.” You start getting asked the million dollar question, “what are you doing after The Race?” You start dreaming of home and all its comforts. You start scheming up all these plans for what life will look like at the end of 11 months. At least I did. For me, going into The Race, I had no idea what the future would hold for me. I’d completely surrendered my future and any plans I had for it. I was completely open to whatever and wherever the Lord would lead me.
By the end month 8 [March], I still had nothing. No thoughts, no real plans on what I would be doing or where I’d be going come June. I had just spent an incredible month in Johannesburg, South Africa, working with an amazing church. [To my GKL peeps, if you’re reading this… I LOVE YOU!] It made me miss my own home church, but it got my wheels turning about the local church and missions. I starting dreaming about moving back to Chickasha, OK and what it would look like to be some sort of missions liaison, like coordinating and leading international mission trips, developing or participating in some sort of local outreach and maybe even hosting mission teams that want to serve in our area. But, the thought of moving home also scared me. I felt [and still do to some extent] this great tug, a back and forth, of staying and leaving, coming and going. I didn’t feel ready to settle down. I felt like I was willing and able to do more.
One night at our month 8 debrief [which was at the end of March], this burden of hope for my home community started burning inside me [it sounds weird, but it’s the best way I can describe it]. There was time during at the end of the session to share, so I got up in front of my squad to say that at month one debrief, I was scared that I would never go back to Chickasha, and that now, here at month 8 debrief, I was scared that I would be going back to Chickasha, but that I asked the Lord for the keys to the city of Chickasha because I believe a movement of change and of revival is coming for my community. [It was also at this debrief where TT, our squad mentor, talked about the Welsh Revival and Evan Roberts, so basically I was totally stirred up!]
It had to have been the next day or so, we were getting ready to start the women’s sessions, and I’ll never forget this moment, TT comes up to me as I’m getting coffee and says, “Yesterday during your team debrief the Lord told me to ask you about squad leading.” My heart dropped out of my chest; total out of body experience. Uhhhhhh WAIT.. WHAT??!?!?! Yeah, no, I don’t think so.
I spent all day thinking about what that would really look like to squad lead. I didn’t want to get home in June and leave right away in August. I really wanted to be home for the holidays. Okay, hmmm, maybe January then would be a good time, because waiting until the next August, would be too long in between. But, I’d really only want to squad lead if TT was my mentor. All of these thoughts [and more] were going through my head as I sat in the hammock at debrief. TT walks by and I’m like, “Hey Teresa, when is your next squad leaving?” “January.” Ohhhhh shoooooot! I think it was in this moment, I just knew in my spirit, I would be squad leading for TT in January 2019. I don’t even think I said anything other than, “Oh, cool.” The next day, I got an email from TT. “Should you feel God call you to SQL, here is the application.” Ha. I looked over it, but there were too many questions that would require too much thinking for me at the time.
During month 9 [April], I kinda started thinking about how squad leading would look for me in my future. Some thoughts of fear and then some thoughts of excitement. TT spent a week with our team and we got to talk about it a little more. She asked me what I could bring to a squad as a leader and told me what she saw in me.
Jumping into month 10 [May], another TT email. “Will you pray about SQLing for my in January.” I think I said something like, yes, I’ll commit to praying about it this month. Honestly, I spent the month wrestling. Some days I was just over it. Being on The World Race. But, then other days, I didn’t want it to be over. I had to get outside my feelings to hear the Lord. Some days easier than others. He kept saying I’m inviting you into an adventure Me, will you come? But, how could these two things set before me, squad leading and investing in my community back home, fit together. A lot of times, I felt like it was one or the other. I had to make a choice to pick one and sacrifice the other. I don’t know why that lie constantly circled my mind, but it did. I knew I would be squad leading somewhere deep down, but I didn’t know how to get there. I didn’t want to commit. But if this was something I was going to do, I wanted to give my wholehearted and complete Y-E-S with no doubt, hesitation or reservations.
Finally, we made it to month 11 [June]. TT grabs me after a session. “Hey, I signed you up for my first one-on-one this afternoon.” Of course she did. I knew what conversation was coming and believe it or not, I was finally ready to say yes. While were talking, she told me that my squad mate MADISON would be one of my co-leaders. Ya’ll, I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea!!!! I spent practically all month filling out and fine tuning my application. I think my three references filled out the forms for me before I even officially applied. LOL, typical me. Once I got home, I had a phone interview and just a few days later, I got an email saying I had been officially accepted!
Y-E-S!
Somehow, some days, I still struggled to know whether or not I was making the right decision. It was a crazy battle going on in my mind almost daily. Just like one of my favorite songs on rock band… Should I Stay or Should I Go? Classic. It was probably the worst when I got to PSL in Georgia in August. I was experiencing so much inner turmoil. I finally got in my car and drive around and I listened to Whisper by Jason Upton. The Lord told me, “No matter what choice you make, I love you.” Which, in my spirit, brought me so much peace, but in my human self, I’m like okay, that still doesn’t tell me what to do. And the Lord is like “YES.” And still, I’m like yes, what?!!? I think it’s so funny when God speaks in riddles.
The song Yes and Amen by Housefires came to mind, which the title and lyrics I can only assume come from 2 Corinthians 1:20.
“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God.”
I had to set it in my mind that I would trust the Lord’s leading and believe that my heart would follow, despite how I sometimes felt. I had to remind myself that the Lord invited me to squad lead, and He is continuing to prepare me for what comes next. He told told me that in this next season, there will be more keys for Chickasha. Wow. Even though I’m still figuring out what that means [will I ever?!], I can trust His promises.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Back in October, I got to experience [again] all that is training camp. I. Can’t. Even. WOW! But I will say, if I could only tell you about how stinkin’ incredible S-SQUAD is, you wouldn’t even believe it! They are hungry and they are thirsty for the things of the Spirit. They are eager to be the hands and feet of Jesus. They are so loved and treasured by the Father! They are beautiful and full of life and I can’t wait to see how the Lord is going to grow in them what is already to evidently there! I also cannot possibly explain to you how incredible our leadership team is! Every single one of us is so unique and different, but yet together, we so perfectly fit.
People, the countdown is on and I’m pumped!!
With all of that said, I am raising funds again!! Not nearly as much as last time, but still enough for me to need your help. I am currently 20% funded, which is totally awesome! I still need to raise just over $5,000. Would you consider supporting me in my next adventure of squad leading? To make a tax-deductible donation, click the orange donate button at the top of my page.
LOVE ABOUNDING,
Lynna
