As of two days ago, I have been out of the US for 100 days. 100 life-changing, unforgettable, adventurous and challenging days.
Being on the race has shown me what it truly looks like to love. I have felt the love and peace of Jesus and long to give it away, to show that love to others. It has helped me find my voice and see the world around me in a different and more beautiful light… one that is more like Jesus. I have seen the power of prayer. I have learned to be thankful, to be free, to be bold, to trust and have no fear. How to dance in worship and how to be still in reverence.
I have learned so much… including some of the most random things like how to hand wash my clothes almost as good as a washing machine and wear leggings, a long sleeve shirt and a scarf in ninety degree heat. I have been immersed in colorful, beautiful cultures and countries, some of which I didn’t even know existed. One thing the race hasn’t done for me, however, is fix all my problems.
The Word Race isn’t fixing me.
I have been broken. I have hurt and had moments of pain. I feel like a wall is being chipped away from around my heart and light is exposing darkness in every aspect of my life. As I am made more aware of the hurt and need and even beauty around me, my own heart breaks.
I’m not sure what I expected. I would pack my life for 9 months in a backpack, hop on a plane, land in Africa and God’s plan for my life would be waiting for me at baggage claim, or at ministry in Swaziland. Or Lesotho. Or India. All of my worries and struggles from home would disappear. I was wrong. Trusting Jesus with my life is not easy. Giving up my anxiety and worries for the future is not easy. I often find myself thinking “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life next year.” I know in my heart that Jesus knows my future and that He is already there, but sometimes I just want to understand.
This lyrics of this song have not left my head since I first heard it a few weeks ago. “I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me.” Life with Jesus isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it. It is THE greatest thing. Giving everything to Jesus and saying yes to Him means saying yes to a life of unknowns. A life of fearlessness and adventure. A life that is more full of light and love and bursting with beauty. I have experienced a taste of this life overseas in the past one hundred days. I have been practicing saying yes to him. I have been praying for clarity. I believe that He has that for me and for everyone who asks. I am a work in progress. The World Race won’t fix me. It won’t take away my problems or show me what to do next year or what to do for the rest of my life. Jesus will.
I would ask for you to please continue to join me in prayer. Please join me in praying for clarity. Pray for boldness and endurance as I enter my fifth month on the field. Pray for my team and wisdom and strength for our leaders.
THANK YOU always for your generosity and prayers. Merry Christmas!
