My Testimony
An underlying plan, that is what God has for us. So often we believe what we have in mind of what we think we deserve, and what we want for our life, is what we expect God to give to us. However what God has for us is so much better than what we could ever have in mind for ourselves. Through the last 17 years of my life, that is what God has revealed through my story..
From the time i was born until i was 9 years old i grew up in a middle class, average sized home with a moderate sized family. My family at the time was catholic, and though i was very young, they had already started me in the catholic faith since i was a baby, i was even christened. Though as i grew older, my family did fall away from their faith as other hobbies caught their eye. My biological Parents began an interest in drugs, and not just doing them, but selling them as well. This started out as simply a way to provide for our family, but eventually it became an addiction, that my parents even had a hard time hiding. Though my parents were not at all bad people, they got caught up in the wrong areas of life. My dad and i were always really close when i was young, i would go to work with him, help him around the house, and even act like i knew how to do bills with him. However, one summer my family changed. My loving parents who had always stored so much adoration for each other began to argue. The arguing went from once a week, to twice a week, to every day. Being who i am, even as a 8/9 year old little boy i tried to help fix things, i got in the arguments and i would beg and plead for them to be happy again, but what was happening they could no longer fix. As a 9 year old little boy, i thought i deserved a happy, loving, normal, american-dream type of family. However, God had a plan that i didn’t quite have tangible just yet.
After months and months of the fighting, it didn’t cease. In fact, it just got worse. Words like divorce, and death had began to be thrown around in moments of anger like they were no longer a big deal. I remember feeling like at one point this was all my fault, because i was not a good enough kid, and that i stressed my parents out. However, was it my fault? No. My parents were grown people, responsible for their own actions and i couldn’t help them as a nine year old little boy. However, i still tried.
On January 26, 2009, my life took a turn. Everything Changed. What started as a normal morning, turned into one of the craziest and most traumatic days of my entire life. I had stayed home from school that morning because i simply did not feel good, and my parents suggested that i go anyway but i begged and pleaded not to go, and i did get my way that day. My father came into the living room around 9 o’clock that morning to tell me that my mom and him were arguing and that i needed to stay in the living room. I simply nodded. that was it, a simply nodd. However, what i didn’t know was that was going to be the last chance i had to tell my father that i loved him. That was the last chance to hug him. My last chance to see him upright with breath in his lungs. That day, my father could no longer take stress, hate, and betrayal that took place in my house, and he took his own life that morning.
After that, my mother became hateful. She treated me like the scum of the Earth, told me that i would never amount to absolutely anything, and abused me emotionally and physically. She was not the woman i grew up loving as my mother, she was a drug addicted junky, who no longer was mentally responsible for what she did/said/or who she hurt. She even made me sleep outside on a cold february night once by myself because i upset her. She became downright evil. However, as much as i wanted to hate her, she was my mother and i remained loyal. I remained there to serve her and help her, just as my dad did. Just as my father had taught me. My father had taught me that men are loyal, and that we serve our household, and i felt that i owed him that.
Life without dad was hard, truly. Though he had gotten himself into some extremely bad situations, he held my life together like tape. Everything went well when he was around. He always had control over the situations of life. Luckily, i only had to live in that environment for exactly a month. One month after my dad passed away, my brother and i were inducted into CPS, and placed in a foster home. Notice i used the word Luckily. This is the perspective i have on the situation now. However at the time, i did not believe that being abducted from the only home that i had ever known was fair. I didn’t believe that is what i deserved. But what i didn’t know was, God was at work. My first foster home was under the management of a wonderful lady out of Tyler, Texas named Melissa Hampton. This home was very different than the one i was use to. This home was a double wide trailer, that was very clean, with well made beds, and food at the dinner table every single meal. This is actually the first home that i was ever in where we went to a southern baptist church. As you can imagine, going from a very Roman-Catholic background to Southern Baptist had pretty much contradicted everything i believed in. I barely knew that Jesus was a person, much less that He came from Heaven to die on the cross for each and every single one of my sins. Mrs. Hampton made sure we were clean, fed, and in church every time the doors were open. It was over time however, that i had began to appreciate this. Once again, this is finally what i thought i deserved.
Boy, was God quick on his feet though? At this point, i had been settled into Mrs. Hamptons for nearly nine months. The Foster Care Agency that she had been with, decided her home was no longer fit because of her age, and she was becoming too immobile to take care of foster children. Mrs. Hampton fought for us, as did we, however we were unsucessful in our doings and were once again, moved.
My brother and i were moved to a home just south of Canton, Texas with 7 other foster kids at the time, adding both of us made 9. This home was stable as could be, with all the perks of Mrs. Hampton’s plus a few. My new foster parents were named Nancy & Max Heinen. Mrs. Nancy was nice, pretty, and gentle as could be. While Mr. Max was stern, loving, strict, and knew how to lay down the law. This was the closest to a normal home that i had ever been in, and i have gotta say it was so fun. Mrs. Nancy would make sure we were fed three meals a day, medicated if needed, had our homework done, and even would plan our weeks out for us. Mr. Max would make sure that there was structure as well as kept us clean, tidied, and organized. At this point i was asking with the very impersonal relationship i had with God, what had i done to deserve this? Once again, God had a plan for my life that i had no control over. He was going to keep giving me what i needed, and it only continued to get better, even through the struggles.
After living with the Heinen’s for about six months, we lost our home to a fire. Not only the home, but the life of Max Heinen as well who sacrificed himself to go in and try to save our family dog. He got all nine foster children out, and was ultimately a hero. However, through this bad situation, something that i would have never imagined happened. Mrs. Nancy, due to the fact that she was out of a house, could not take back all 9 children she previously had. However she decided to take back my brother and i, just the two of us, and we would live in the small two bedroom house together for six months while our new home was being put together. It was in those six months that Mrs. Nancy became like my mom. Within those six months, she also told me that she would like to adopt my brother and i once we were all settled into the new house. She held to her word, she adopted my brother and i in August of 2011, and since than i have only been blessed by her. She is not what i deserve, she is the best mom that i could have ever asked for. She deals with me even though the hard things, and has helped mold me into the man i am becoming today. She also helped lead me to Jesus through her amazing acts of love that she shows so kindly to all around her. Which is why in June of 2013 i asked Jesus into my life. I realized that Jesus Christ is love, just like my mom shows love, so does Jesus. The only difference is, his love is bigger and bolder than any other love, and my mom is a hard one to beat. Jesus has since then came into my life, and made an epic impact. He has given me a smile, a smile to love people with. He has given me a heart for loving others, and a mission oriented one at that. I am feeling so blessed to obtain such a love inside of me that Jesus provides. He is most definitely not what i deserve, However he loves me anyway. He cares for me, just like he cares for the birds in the sky, and grass of the fields. (Look at the birds of the air: they neither reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” Matthew 6:26) Over the last year I have taken part in loving children in orphanages/foster homes in The U.S., Haiti, and Guatemala; yet my heart still desires to love more as Christ does. I am overwhelmed, with gratitude, and i am thankful that God did not give me what i thought i deserved. He has given me more than i can ever thank him for.
