While preparing for the World Race, one of the most common questions I get is what will I be doing while I’m away. This question is so much harder to answer than it sounds. I’ll be spending my time doing so many things I can’t even begin to list. There is no way I could condense them all into a satisfactory answer. But my most honest answer is: I’ll be telling my story.
My story is something that many would see as a curse but I have seen as a testament to God’s unfailing love for me. He has given me a radical story, one worth sharing. And through this journey that’s exactly what I intend to do. Through all the hurt, God gave me His eyes to see the brokenness in the world and His heart to love the broken.
When I was 9 years old, I survived what was meant to be a fatal tree crash. A large tree had fallen right next to my bedroom in the middle of the night, barely missing the house. The men who came to take it away had told my parents that it was completely impossible for the tree to fall the way it had and it was a miracle I had survived. From this I knew that God would protect me no matter what.
At age 10, I watched my Mom die from an illness which took only a week to run its course. This was the most heartbreaking day of my life as everything I had known spun out of my control. Although I had never felt so much pain in my life, I knew, only through God’s power, that this had happened for a greater purpose than I may ever understand. I knew that He was never going to leave me and that this was going to be a large part of the life He was masterfully building for me.
When I was 11, I was told by my father that because I was his daughter, my body belonged to him and he could treat it any way he wanted. This belief bread deep within me as I began to believe that it was ok to be used the way I was. This has been something I have struggled with and will continue to struggle with for a long time. But I have begun to understand how God sees me instead. I have a Heavenly Father who sees me as precious and will use me for amazing things that will glorify Him.
During my 15th year, I had become the confidant, protector and support of a struggling father. I was often treated as a life partner and was the far too little listening ear to all his struggles in life. I began to believe this was my responsibility and took on this role as I shaped myself into becoming whatever he needed. It was in that year that I realized that it was not my place to take on those responsibilities. God gave me the eyes to see the truth of my father’s behaviour. He also gave me the strength to see my limits and believe I was deserving of something greater.
Just last year, at age 17, I decided I had had enough. I took my sister and left his house. This was the second most painful day of my life. I had to look into the eyes of not only my tormentor, but also the man I had taken care of and seen as my own responsibility, and show him who he really was. I could no longer protect him from himself. In this moment, I was made strong only through God’s power and was finally freed from the constant fear my life had become. God gave me the ability to see through His eyes that I was made for more than the trap I had been placed in.
This is only the surface of a few pieces of my story. As God slowly puts them together to reveal the greater picture, I can begin to understand where I fit in His grand plan. By going on this great journey God has set out for me, my only hope is to be able to give some hope to those who are hurting as I have before, and even more. I may not ever get to share my full story, but through my actions I have faith that I will share God’s love in miraculous ways.
To all the people I will meet, God knows and loves you.
To the survivor, God has a plan for you.
To the orphan, God has not abandoned you.
To the prostitute, God sees your beauty and knows your worth.
To the child bride, God will not leave you to go through this alone.
To the hurting, God will get you through this.
I’m not sure who I will meet along the way, but I know that God has given me a story worth sharing. And if I can offer even a small amount of guidance or comfort to His hurting people, my own suffering will have been worth it. On this trip, my plan is to take the eyes He has given me, and go where He leads me. My plan is to take the heart He has given me, and love on His people. My plan is to take the story He has written for me, and care for those who need it. And hopefully through this process, I’ll have a few stories to come back with too.
