I’m irrelevant. I feel like I speak and people don’t hear my words. If they do hear my words, they rebuttal everything I say, disregarding my thoughts or feelings.
I have no friendships on my squad. I feel disconnected from everyone. I feel like the people I used to be close to, just aren’t anymore. I have no one to turn to.
I’m not desirable. I find myself wanting to be noticed by a Godly man, but he doesn’t give me the time of day. Which is a good thing, really. I shouldn’t be worried about that right now anyway. But I still feel like no man would ever choose me over all the other beautiful, Jesus-loving women.
I’m not the best writer. I think I have a gift in writing, but I’m finding that a lot of people have that gift. I can’t compete with them.
I’m not outgoing. I’m not approachable. I tend to keep to myself more than seek out others. In community and in life with strangers that I encounter in my day to day. What kind of Christian doesn’t talk to everyone they encounter?
These are the lies that have flooded my mind the last few days. An overwhelming amount of times. Satan keeps feeding me lie after lie.
I know they’re lies. I do.
Even in spite of the head knowledge, I’ve sulked in the flood of lies. I’ve let the water rise over my head, and I’m not fighting to swim up to get air. I just want to keep pretending like I’m a victim with a weighted chain wrapped around my ankle, keeping me in the deep end.
But I know good and well that I am not a victim. It’s just another lie.
A couple months ago my squad mate, Dani, read a verse to a group of us that stuck out to me. And as I typed, I was reminded of it.
“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44
Y’all. Satan literally has no truth in him. He is only capable of telling us things that are true of his character, which are endless lies that are not true of our character in Christ.
So, with that, I’ll give you the truth.
Satan, you are irrelevant. You have no friends, only enemies. You’re not desirable. You have no gifts. You are isolated. You have no say in who I am.
And to you, the reader. You are loved by an amazing Father. He wants to know you intimately. You are not any of the things the enemy is trying to tell you. Satan can only tell you things that are true about him, which in turn cannot be true about you and who you are in Christ.
Side note: I’m not looking for sympathy or seeking affirmation from this blog. I’d actually prefer if you didn’t feel or say those things. Just trying to be real with where I’m at and fight the enemy’s sea of lies, ya know?
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