As I sit here, I glance out of the window of an air conditioned van that’s taking us to Bangkok, Thailand. We’re on an actual highway. The lines on the road are stark white. I can see flat pastures with businesses out in the distance as we drive a normal speed that would be expected on any U.S. freeway.
It’s one of that rarest moments on my Race. I think it’s only happened one other time. A moment where I’ve looked out the window and feel like I’m riding in the back seat of my parents suburban from Lake Jackson to Houston, Texas. A moment where I actually can look out the window and not snap back into the reality that I’m actually in Thailand, and that I won’t be in Texas for another 5 months.
I didn’t want to write this blog. I could’ve written it two weeks ago, but I refused to believe that I was in this category. A category that a lot of my squad also fell into.
I’m pretty sure that’s why I resisted it so much. Along with the fact that the leadership role I’ve attempted to take on has me in this mindset that I’m not allowed to be feeling the way I feel. I need to be stronger. I need to be the one spurring B Squad on. How can I do that if I’m in the same boat? Push it aside.
With all that said, I know the root of why I didn’t want to write this blog. It’s my pride. And now, here I am, trying to kick my pride to the curb and replace it with even just an ounce of humility.
I’ve loved Asia ever since we left the airport in a tuk tuk to get to where we were staying. We had so much fun in Siem Reap. It’s a tourist city, and on our off days I actually felt like a tourist for the first time on the Race. We had so many comforts that remind me of home. Good WiFi, connection to social media, Netflix, a real cheeseburger, a good margarita and Mexican food.
Unfortunately, that’s one of the only reasons I liked the month. It’s a love-hate relationship, really.
I loved it because of the fleshly comfort it brought and the lively atmosphere of a touristy place.
I hated it because I let it steal my desire for the Lord. Just like America has my entire life as a Christian.
The second half of this month, I barely picked up my Bible. Talking to the Lord was a chore. Sleeping seemed like a better idea. I imagined what it’ll be like to go home more than all the other months combined.
I don’t have any major revelation to end this blog on an encouraging note. I just wanted to let you all know that the Race isn’t glamorous by any means, and it’s getting to the point where I’ve realize we’ve come a long way, yet still have a long way to go.
But, it really is so worth it. What the Lord has revealed to me in these last six months is more than I’ve learned in my entire lifetime. I just want to reignite the fire He gave me at the beginning of the Race.
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