Cambodia
Wow.
Thank you for growth. For letting me fall on my face (literally-well chin). For showing me how to talk to my Father.
For the realization that God wants what is best for me. He doesn’t want to force me to do something I don’t want to do-He gave me the desires of my heart. He knows them-He wants to fulfill them. All in His timing. Not my own.
If I’m honest, I have a lil bit of a fear that the Lord is going to call me to do something that I don’t want to do.
That always seems to be the story. “I really didn’t want to do XYZ, but God told me to……and then it was great for all of these reasons..”
Hmm…but God I am stubborn. I don’t really want to do what I don’t want to do-if I’m being honest. (I mean who really wants to do what they don’t want to do)
I’ll give my life to you, but I’m scared of where you will take me.
I think this is how this fear has snuck into my mind.
I’m a missionary today, but that’s just for 11 months Lord. Temporary.
Really all worldly things are temporary, but I fear this. The future. His plan for my life. Not wanting to do what God wants me to do. What is best for me.
Which is normally how it works, right?
That one thing you didn’t want to do. The thing you feared the most. That you have strayed from for as long as you possibly can.
That is the thing that makes you grow. Learn. It stretches your mind. Grows you closer to the Lord.
Which doesn’t make this easy. It doesn’t make it fun.
I’m not there yet. I’m at the beginning of month 4. Thailand. My fear still lies in what is next. Truly giving my life to the Lord. Every ounce. Every decision. All to Him.
I had an epiphany.
God, my Father, made me & knows the desires of my heart, YET He wants me to tell my desires to Him.
I realized I haven’t even put some of my desires into words. They have just been pieces of ideas in my head.
So I started telling God my desires. Praying for my future husband. Kids. Future gals I will pour into. A future job that will glorify Him. The big things. The little things.
He knows, but He wants you to tell Him.
Daughter, what do you want? Tell me what you desire. What your heart longs for.
So, in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I started telling God the desires of my heart.
This forms a relationship with God. It shows that if these things happen how good He is. It shows that when these things don’t happen, that He has something even better. Even sweeter.
He knows me better than I know myself. I mean come on-He made me for cryin out loud.
So I started telling my Father what I want. What I desire. Trust is building. To give it all to Him. To trust Him that He knows what is best for my heart & soul.
Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart
