I have a confession to make… I’m an ignorant Racer. I thought this would be easy. Well, no, that’s a lie. I thought it would be easier. I did not think I’d have sensory overload after 5 days. But here I am in an Indian village hot and confused. Dazed and confused. I keep looking around expecting to find some sort of comfort but instead I continue to find myself in awe. I have 3 more weeks in India. 11 more months of this. And I can’t help but wonder when the comfort will come.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m having fun. Even in the midst of long bus rides and having absolutely zero idea what’s going on (seriously, I don’t even know what tonight is going to look like let alone tomorrow), I’m having fun. Even in the midst of wondering what type of bug bites I have (they’re are mosquito bites and I’m very confused) and smelling worse than I ever have, I’m having fun. The people of India are kind and generous and curious. The cattle grazing the road and unbearably spicy food makes me laugh. The 6 women I’m doing life with are some of the most thirsty people I have ever met. Thirsty for God and life and others.
They say ever Racer goes through 6 phases. Phase one? Abandonment. Abandon everything. Your home, your lifestyle, your friends, your family. Abandon comfort. I’d like to say this step is complete but deep down I know I have a long way to go. I still hope for wifi so I can see a picture of my niece and dogs (they’re adorable). I still hope that I can get words of encouragement from my friends. Telling me that 11 months will go by quick. And it will, I know it will. But on days like today the minutes seem to drag on when I grasp for some sort of comfort and can’t find any. Seriously, I just showered and I’m already sticking to myself. So is abandonment complete or has it just begun?
And at this point, I’m not really sure it matters. Either way, I’m ready to come home. Home to the Father. Not home to the States (sorry mom, not quiet yet- but give me a week). I’m ready for phase 2, dependence. True and utter dependence on God. Before the Race I felt like my faith was solid- not perfect, but solid. I knew there were places to grow but I didn’t realize how many places I had to grow in. And so, I’m an ignorant Racer. I thought I’d come on the Race already being dependent on God. But the truth is, I’m still dependent on modern comforts- I want wifi and Goldfish (I’m pretty hungry right now, tbh). But more than that I want Him. I want true dependence. Until then, I won’t be home.
A lot of you reading have probably heard the parable of the lost son. If not, here’s the story:
Once upon a time there was a family- a dad and his two sons. The dad gave his sons an even split of his estate and let them do whatever they wanted. The older son decide to stay home and continue to work for his father, managing his finances responsibly. The younger son decided to leave his family and blow all his money on a lavish lifestyle (aka prostitutes and good food). After he spent all his money, the youngest son decided he too wanted to go home. Here, his father welcomed him with open arms and a major party (they slaughtered the fattened calf for him, so that’s when you know the party was a really big freaking deal).
*Check out Luke 15:11-32 for the non-Sparknotes version*
As you can probably guess, I’m the youngest son. I did it my way. But now I want my Father’s way- I want to depend on Him. So now I tell God: “Continue to give me the bug bites and weird smells and sore muscles until I have abandoned it all and learned to truly depend on you, Lord.”
It took the World Race for me to learn this (well, begin to learn this), but that’s not what it takes for everyone. For those of you reading int the States, know that God is calling you home, too.
Want a party? Guess what- it’s an open. Yep- come one, come all. Fattened calf provided, World Race mission not required.
