Haiti tested me. We were confined in an extremely small space, with little alone time and little access to wifi. I still hadn’t really connected with the women I was living with. So when I checked my email during our ten minutes of weekly wifi access and saw a really hateful comment on one of my blogs, I had no one I was really comfortable talking to about it. I’m an external processor and get into trouble when I spend too much time alone in my head.
I began to question who I was. I had written my story- and one of the main lies I have believed was that there is something wrong with me. That’s the reason that relationships don’t work out or I’m not as successful as I want to be. It was a lie I thought I had overcome but it was so easy to just fall right back into that.
It all boiled down to love. Am I capable of receiving it? Do I even know what it is? Most of my life has felt really misunderstood so is it really possible that most people I’ve met just haven’t loved me adequately? Or is it a failure in me to receive?
I did the only thing that seemed natural to me. I went on a mission to discover what love is. Through all this, Kyla was one of the few people that sat and wrestled with me. Several days into my mission, she walked by and handed me a key. The word on it was love.
A word that carries so much weight to me now. Part of my story is being transformed by God’s love, and now in Haiti I spent hours on hours studying love to learn more about what it is.
One thing I’ve learned about the way that I love is through giving. I’m absolutely terrible at receiving gifts though. I think because I put so much thought into the gifts I give that I struggle receiving thoughtless gifts. But the key that Kyla gave me- she knew how much weight it carried and that was why she wanted me to have it. It was a moment where I felt the overwhelming love of a friend, and also where the goodness of the Lord’s timing was revealed.
The key wouldn’t have resonated so much had it not been for that earth shattering comment. It wouldn’t have meant as much if it stood alone, but Kyla is relentless in showing love. She is thoughtful and understanding. She is beyond wise and gives the best advice. She is an amazing listener, but also has so many amazing thoughts to share. She has so much depth to her and has a huge desire to learn more about the Lord. She is fiercely independent and I feel lucky every day that she chose to let me into her heart. She’s one of the rare people I’ve met that refuse to let me stand in the way of receiving her love. She’s a pretty rad gal.
<3 Kendall
