When something really beautiful ends, a time of transition is inevitable. In World Race culture, we call this time “reentry.” I will tell you right now, it’s not easy. I have changed so much over this past year and this world.. hasn’t. It kept turning, but, essentially, my life in America hasn’t changed while I have been out of office.
I built reentry up in my mind and placed expectations on myself. I thought that I would be crying in the granola isle in Target because I was overwhelmed with choices. I thought I would not want to talk to people for days and isolate myself. I thought I would have to sleep on the ground because my bed is too comfortable. In reality none of that is true for me. Some of these things are true for others on my squad, and there is no shame in it!
In an effort to process what life looks like for me right now and provide y’all an update, here is a list of things I am realizing about myself through the season of reentry:
- I actually believe I can do hard things.
The World Race provided me ample opportunity to do hard things. I stepped out of my comfort zone more times than I can count. I endured sickness so that the gospel could be shared. I fought for community even though it was excruciating at times. And it is always worth it. So now, I already believe I can do it and do it for the glory of God. I have a spiritual confidence that is genuinely new for me in this setting.
- Communication is key.
I think America lost their copy. I have really struggled with communication here. This year, I practiced saying the hard things and being truly honest with people. I practiced fighting for myself to be heard, respected, and loved. I also practiced the ancient art of listening, a skill I think we have lost in America. If communication is key to relationship, then listening is the deadbolt. If we do not listen to others, we are saying with our actions that our words are more worthy of being heard than the other person’s. Interruption is one way to lock someone up for good, people!
- Flexibility can be freeing.
Before I left for the Race, I was extremely decisive. I recently realized that I have become a lot more flexible. I think it was in Month 1 that I got feedback about hearing the desires of others and being more flexible with my “wants.” Through the course of my time on the mission field, I have become flexible with my wants, but decisive and strong when it comes to my needs. Right now, if someone asks me what I want to do, I look around and expect my team to pitch in. They aren’t there to answer, so I am learning a new balance of flexibility now. Flexibility has brought me to places and people I never could have dreamed of, so it is definitely something I will hold onto.
- Community is everything.
I will always tell you community was the hardest and absolute best thing I experienced on the Race. These people push me to grow more than I have ever imagined. We are there in every victory and every loss. While my people aren’t going anywhere emotionally, they are in different geographic locations now. This has been the hardest part of the whole reentry process. I’m not going home to a strong community. I don’t have a church in my hometown that is going to welcome me back. I don’t have many people that will fight for me in this hard season.
I’m learning that this is okay. I have one or two people that love me deeply and want to see me thrive. They are inviting me into their lives and trying their best to be the friend I need right now. THAT is community too, even if it doesn’t look the same, even if it isn’t 24/7, even if it is only one person. I’m so grateful for that. Now I am trying to learn a balance of how to incorporate my new definition of community to the realistic, American definition.
While these are concepts and qualities that I am struggling to adapt, I never want to lose them. And even though reentry is hard, I want you all to know that I am grateful to be home. I am so grateful for the warm beds, hot showers, and the hugs that feel like home. Truly.
The problem is, when I’ve been stretched in every direction for a year, I don’t feel at home anywhere. It’s actually really hard. Even though it looks different than I built it up to be, it is hard in a deeper way. The good news is, I already believe I can do hard things. I can overcome. I can persevere. I can endure.
Hebrews 12:1-4 asks us to run with endurance the race God has set before us. This race isn’t just 11 months. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s life. It is the every day of work, getting married, having 2.5 kids. It’s the not so every day of playing with elephants and hiking to villages that have never heard the gospel.
Therefore, we keep running. The very act of running is just moving forward. Moving on. Hebrews says that we do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus. We are encouraged to remember his suffering on the cross when we are weary, so that we are encouraged by his strength and don’t give up. Giving up isn’t an option. Staying stagnant in my life and my relationship with God isn’t an option for me anymore. My prayer is that it isn’t an option for you either. We have a race to run together.
So friends… Here I am. I’m home. I’m excited to see you. I’m grieving the loss of a really beautiful thing right now. I’m moving forward and keeping my eyes on Jesus. I’m not giving up. The World Race might be over, but my race sure as hell isn’t.
“This is all great, but what’s next?”
I’m currently living at home in Frisco, TX! I will begin as a substitute teacher in Frisco ISD and will be looking for a full time job starting in the fall. My hope is to work toward adding a high school social studies certification to my resume, but I am not counting middle school out of my future. Gotta love them.
If you have any questions about me, my experience, missions in general.. please feel free to reach out! I would love to chat with anyone that is considering The World Race or missions in the future.
