This blog is from Month 2 in Sunyani, Ghana. This particular revelation happened at our debrief in Accra and the Lord provided an opportunity to step into even more freedom during our month in Sunyani. As He always does.
Music has been in my life since I can remember. I sang songs at the top of my lungs in my backyard growing up. I can remember pretty much every song I performed in my choral career. I took pride in competition rankings and joy in learning a piece that was “out of my league.” I loved every minute.
The problem was, my passion turned to an addiction to affirmation. My first year of high school, I joined a church choir. My sister had attended the church prior to graduation and the director knew our voice ran in the family. I distinctly remember my pride (that I tried to mask as annoyance) when he would invite me to sing with them every chance he got. I caved when I needed more attention and was introduced to the concept of “worship.”
My definition of worship at the time was simply songs that were about God that were supposed to invoke an emotional response. I loved this choir. I felt needed, even though that was totally in my head. I quickly joined the youth group and involved myself in the system that poured affirmation over me. I was so addicted. I would crave acknowledgement from anyone that would offer it. Worship was solely about me.
Fast forward four years. I am a freshman at Texas A&M and taking Music 201. My professor happened to be the music director of a Methodist Church in town. He noticed my knowledge of theory and my ability to sight read well. He asked me to come sing in his choir for extra credit. He even offered to start paying me to sing after our semester ended. I was all in, but then all of the sudden… it wasn’t fun anymore. I didn’t get the fulfillment I used to. The affirmation wasn’t enough and I was realizing that I actually wasn’t a Christian. I just thought I was because I was told I was.
When I finally met Jesus the following year, worship scared the crap out of me. I chose not to touch it. I didn’t volunteer to lead worship in the church. I brushed off anyone that knew I could hold a tune and told them I wasn’t really singing anymore. My perspective on worship flipped on its head.
Worship is giving every praise in our being to the one true God. It is pure astonishment of who He is, who He says we are, and what Jesus has done for us. It is the most intimate interaction I can have with God and has the capability to bring you to your knees. It is prayer set to a tune or brushstroke. Worship wasn’t about me anymore. It is about the God that made me, knows me, and chose me.
I didn’t lead worship if I could avoid it for the next four years. In fact, it wasn’t until Month 1 Debrief in Accra, Ghana that the Lord whispered, “Now. It’s time to sing.” I led worship with my really dear friends for my entire squad. It was rocky. My voice shook. I kind of had to stumble my way through it. But then, God reminded me that he gave me this voice. He arranged my mind to function in harmonies and allowed me to be trained so that my vocal chords work in muscle memory. It all came back to me. I love to sing for the one that created me to sing. I shared this with my squad in a moment of victory.
We moved to Sunyani for our month of ministry. God handed me multiple opportunities to grow in leading worship. Elim City Church is very similar to church at home. We sing similar songs and have a similar service structure. I found myself on stage every Sunday with the band singing the familiar soprano harmony I have been singing to myself for years. It felt like I was in Heaven. I have never had more fun with Jesus. Y’all, African worship is a giant party for the Lord. I was honored that God let me be a part of it.
Photo courtesy of my talented squdmate, Breier Sanders.
God is still leading me in baby steps. He is teaching me how to lead worship well through the help of a few gifted squadmates. He is providing opportunities to practice. He is reminding me over and over again that He already forgave my pride of the past. I am so grateful that I am able to worship freely and I can walk in the freedom He continues to give me.
Take a moment to reflect:
Has your own pride kept you from using a gift the Lord has given you?
I’m finding that our God gives perfect gifts. He gives you what you need, what best glorifies Him, and what best furthers the Kingdom.
Has the world stolen the joy of walking in your gift?
Ask God to give you a fresh anointing. Ask him to restore what the enemy tried to destroy. Find joy again.
Worship freely in whatever worship looks like for you. Art. Music. Basketball. Soccer. Watching sunsets. Meditation.
Worship freely again.
